#one could even say the wizard is the deadbeat here

[whatevertheywant]

Yet another day where I absent mindedly add a song to my gelphie playlist then make myself cry because I hold too much space for the lyrics and realize just how on the nose it is because this verse and chorus is a dead ass summary of that day in the emerald city into act 2 (I hate to call fiyero a deadbeat but he is very distant with her atp)

[nobodysdaydreams]

My toxic trait is that I think if Elphaba, Galinda, Fiyero, Nessarose and Boq had all gone to the Emerald City together as friend group, they totally would have been able to stop the Wizard and Morrible. Wouldn’t have even been a challenge.

Galinda, Nessarose, and Boq might have been hesitant or afraid to openly challenge the Wizard, but as soon as Elphaba objected and the Wizard and Morrible made their little threats, Fiyero would for sure throw a punch in the Wizard’s direction, at which point the battle is on and the group is running through the Wizard’s castle being chased by flying monkeys like they’re the Scooby Doo gang. Fiyero swinging around on those hot air balloon ropes knocking guards left and right, Boq panicking and accidentally doing some looney tunes style stunt that saves Nessrose, and they all escape on the balloon to Kiamo Ko with the Wizard as a hostage, because Fiyero would for sure drag that pathetic mess on board, tied up and everything to make sure they can escape.

And Morrible wouldn’t be able to do a thing about it because you know that the second Nessa calls her dad to complain, the governor is going to come rolling up to the Emerald City in his ridiculous top hat yelling in Morrible’s face demanding to know “what kind of school she thinks she’s representing here?” and talking about how he wasn’t made aware of this unauthorized balloon field trip, and panicking about Nessa falling out of the sky. Now Morrible has to deal with him, and she can’t pull the “a wicked green witch kidnapped our Wizard and his spellbook” this time, because is she really gonna say the witch was either helped by or succeeding in kidnapping (in addition to the Wizard) a famous prince, the daughter of wealthy upper class, the beloved and favorite daughter of an esteemed governor, and another random student all on her watch? There are only so many people you can throw under the bus before the story is too crazy to be believed, plus now you have all those angry parents demanding explanations. So now Morrible has got to tell everyone some bs story about an “unfortunate ballooning accident, which she is sure the Wizard will rectify in no time” while she figures out her next move.

Meanwhile, at Kiamo Ko, the kids have the Wizard tied up and he’s trying to reason with them but they aren’t having it, and since this is an integration, it eventually comes out that he’s Elphaba’s deadbeat dad. He gets emotional and tries to spin it as a tragic star crossed lovers story rather than a one night stand and Nessa’s not having it because if you found out your parent cheated with a villainous dictator who tried to kill their own child who is also your half-sister and then said dictator has the nerve to try to spin it into a story where you’re supposed to feel sad for them because they “couldn’t be with the woman they loved” (because she was married to your father) and “never knew their child” (because they left knowing full while their actions could have created your sibling) you’d be mad too. And Elphaba is also angry because who would want to be related to someone willing to oppress people for power? Pathetic.

But Boq stops Nessa from angrily doing anything crazy to the Wizard because after he saved Nessa from some flying monkeys, he realized that he loves her and that Galinda doesn’t like him and he has to respect that, and now that the gang has had time to talk, Galinda also realizes Fiyero obviously loves Elphaba and decides to be happy for them, because they all take one look at the Wizard’s fake overdramatic crying for a woman he had a one night stand with who was never gonna leave her husband for him anyway who he never even called again anyway so why is he crying now, and they say “let’s not over complicate our love lives and be mature about our feelings.” Good decision on their part.

Meanwhile, the Wizard tries to start singing about his regrets and offers them all a chance to rule with him if only they’ll untie him, but no one is having it and they send him and Morrible to jail and make Elphaba the new Wizard because she’s the one with the actual power. She can visit her father in prison, and he can do his silly little puppet/figurine shows and song/dance numbers for her then. If he has good behavior, maybe Elphaba can make him her court jester because goodness knows all the Wizard is good for is being a clown. Morrible stays in jail, no parole. Then you’ve Elphaba ruling the Emerald City, Fiyero ruling Winkie Country, Galinda being an elite socialite in Gilkin Country or wherever she’s from and Nessa ruling Munchkin Land with Boq at her side, willingly this time. The whole friend group is running Oz and making it better. The end.

[starscream-is-my-wife]

I am constantly rotating your documentary au in my mind it's such a fun idea. Since Ratchet has been assumed to be a teen mom, are the humans also concluding Optimus is the teen dad? Or are they thinking its a "I'm not the step dad, I'm the dad that stepped up" sort of situation? I wonder what sort of further misunderstandings are going to happen with the one sided communication and the assumptions made about our delightful trio and Cybertronians as a whole.

The town is mostly thinking that Orion is around the same age by the way he acts sometimes, even if he's a bit scary, he has a young dad goofiness to him, especally compared to Ratchets grumpyness. Although since the two humans reporting on them are biased and are also young adults, there's probably different rumors about them to other crowds

There's people who thinks Bee was the child of only one of them and the other was like, a coworker or a family friend that got caught in the crash because of how unrelated he looks to the both of them, adoption was also a possibility but Angel and Truck King havent been seen together too much, and when they are only few see it, most people haven't seen them close to each other at all

Generally, everyone thinks that Bee is Ratchets kid and whether OP is biologicaly the dad is in the air, due to Bee and Ratchet seemingly being a lot closer (OP has just been taking up more dangerous construction jobs for a building so Bee hangs out with Ratchet more)

The ones most invested in the bots do think that they're a young family, with such a positive view on them they're also the most ballsy with talking to them, if someone was skeptical they try to avoid them

But after that last interaction with the guy flirting with Angel it definitely solidified that those two are involved at least, now that the 'Angel is a young mom' rumor has been floating around, the people who think that Truck King is not the bio father is wondering 'is there a deadbeat big yellow dad who wasn't treating her right and now good man Truck King has snatched her away? Or is Angel just unfaithful? It looked like Truck King was unaware of her fans and she even fought him so the guy could get away!' Of course nobody would ever bring this up to any of the bots... or their fans

Alot of information comes from Zekes mouth, the big rumors start here because while he doesn't say anything public with none of them there to respect the bots privacy, its also really hard to not tell your other friends about the robots who you get to hang out with as part as your job (park ranger) but now your friends have the perfect combo of vaugeness and details to go wild with rumors.

So while most of the town (at least the younger population) loves the drama, a part still wants some actual evidence that arent from some 19 year olds mouth, like the only seen evidence that the bots are a family before is that "It looks like a man, woman, and child robot"

Zeke also mostly reports on rumors that are notable (or at least he thinks are) so heres some crazy ones:

The robots are government spies that look like a cute family to get our guards down

The bots are actually a cursed family and we're normal people until they angered a wizard

The bots were sent by God as a test for something

The bots are escaped experiments from the Canadian government

Pete is a super villian creating these bots in his basement in preparation for world domination

The bots not only eat energy, but they also eat souls and are marinating us slowly

These damn bots are here stealing our jobs, we gotta deport them back to space before more come

[illgetthe]

Isabel Soneque Guerra or Isabel Francis Guerra

smokes cigar....dramatically unfolds wrapper to reveal cigar as large pretzel...eats it.

OK I've never heard of the name soneque before so I'll start with that. First off, googled it, google hates me and was very insistent I meant sonique or sonequa, which i do think would be pronounced the same or similar HOWEVER as a matter of principle I cast out those results with my magic wizard beam which unfortunately only left me with pronounciation (sone-eck, but i think the website was trying to say son-é-que but my tiny weasel brain could only hear soneneck) and making up my own BS using google translate. I love bulls so i think it is worth saying soñé que would apparently mean 'I dreamed that', and combined with 'guerra' meaning war would create half formed sentence 'I dreamed that war' or if que became qué 'I dreamed who/what war'. All in all although soneque adds some spice to the sentence pronunciation wise, I think I prefer francis for reasons below. 6/10 mostly due to inability to find juicy context baby name websites usually lie to me about. This name would make her 10x cooler which is too cool

Hhg. Gaah. Moving on, LOVE and HATE addition of francis mostly because of this spit wad right here:

The one on the left, good 'ol Francisco. Yes i found this darling image on the wiki aparently from one of zack's streams. When i saw francis i immediately thought of him, and if I was ms chen or mr. semi deadbeat I'd probably think of him first sight to. I think isabel also would once she gained conciousness. At the time of birth, was it an honorable nod to a dutiful grandfather who maybe even still had a good relationship with both parents? Was it more of a title, something placed more hesitantly, causing the lack of the last two letters to be added, to try and distance from the looming figure himself? Or could it be more similar to a second last name, erasing the father's and ignoring the mothers to instead make way for another weight placed by the big stupid old man isabel actually lives with? Would isabel be fine with it, proud of it at first until her later years made way for the formation of scorn? Eeeitherr way francis apparently means 'frenchman' or 'free man'. I think if isabel had it she'd only embrace the french part in order to piss off grampy and draw a curly mustache + buy a fake baguette for herself. she's so goofy. Adding the second meaning to her name gives 'free man war' which I think could be seen in a cool "yay! girlboss in charge of her own life" way but also in a 'Francisco's whole ideal with rejecting spirits/tools to not be bound by anything' way. 8/10 so good, better than what i could think of, but also the way I interpret it gives little room for the 'isabel' in 'isabel' y'know . Thank you!

[fuckyeahbaldursgate]

I decided to fulfil your request for all of the BG1, BG2 and SOD companions for fun! A few caveats to this list:

1.) Confirmed Dead - means something in the games has confirmed their deaths. Obviously this could be reversed by the ultimate get out of 'a wizard or a god did it'

2.) The main thing to remember is that BG3 is set approximately 120 years after the events of BG2 so that's the timeline we're working to in terms of lifespans etc. Most of the human characters therefore are assumed to be dead.

3.) TOB epilogue endings are considered but not necessarily taken as absolute fact due to the fact that they can vary depending on romances etc.

4.) I've done some guesswork with character ages as it's rare for the games to actually confirm how old a character is.

Anyway here's a summary table below, which does contain spoilers for BG3.

More detail of my thinking is provided under the cut but happy for people to jump in with additional info etc. and I'll amend the list.

Aerie - Potentially Alive

Aerie is an avariel elf and a pretty young one at that. Although I can't remember her age ever being confirmed in the game she definitely comes across as relatively immature in her interactions even though in one argument with Jaheria she says she's technically older than her in years. Avariel are also said to be pretty long lived even by elf standards and potentially live up to 1000 years old. The interesting thing for me is that unlike other characters who would be alive but very old, Aerie would still be considered relatively young and likely still in her prime, power wise.

Ajantis - Confirmed Dead

Ajantis was killed in Baldur's Gate 2 by the Bhaalspawn as part of the red dragon Firkraag's plot to take revenge against Gorion. He enchants both Ajantis' group of paladins and the Bhaalspawn's party to make the other appear as monsters. Only after Ajantis lies dead at Bhaalspawn's feet is the enchantment lifted.

Alora - Potentially Alive

Alora is implied to be relatively young in BG1 and with halflings in 5e living to around 150 years old, she could still be around but just really old. Furthermore nothing in BG2 kills her.

Anomen - Assumed Dead

The first of our human NPCs who we assume has a normal lifespan and therefore dies to the curse of old age unless some sort of divine intervention takes place.

Baeloth - Potentially Alive

Our evil drow sorceror friend benefits from an elf lifespan of 750 years so as long as he can stay out of trouble, he could potentially reach the events of BG3. Having said that I think the likelihood of Baeloth doing that is on the slim side.

Branwen - Assumed Dead

Branwen was a regular human so unless Tempus did a bit of divine intervention to extend her lifespan (which I think is extremely unlikely for the Lord of Battles), Branwen is absolutely dead. Hopefully she went out in style and in battle like she probably would have wanted.

Cernd - Assumed Dead

As a high level druid, Cernd would have access to timeless body, which would dramatically slow his aging BUT I like to think that Cernd's epilogue ending happens regardless of whether he travelled with the Bhaalspawn or not i.e. years of being a deadbeat dad finally catch up with him and he's forced to face his son in battle, after which neither survives.

Coran - Confirmed Dead

Coran actually makes it through BG2 unscathed after travelling with Safana for a period of time (see her section below for what happens to her). After that 'incident' he lives it up pretty large in Baldur's Gate, eventually becoming an influential politician in the city. Unfortunately he ended up getting killed by a displacer beast in the Legends of Baldur's Gate comic series, which offers a bit of a prelude to BG3 and also cover the events that time jump Minsc into the current timeline. Coran does have a son that is still active so maybe he'll make an appearance in his stead?

Corwin - Assumed Dead

Regular human so as per Branwen, she's dead. More grimly, her daughter is probably dead too.

Dorn - Assumed Dead

Half orcs have a shorter lifespan than humans of about 75 years in 5e and given Dorn's brutal nature I'd be surprised if he made it to old age.

Dynaheir - Confirmed Dead

Killed by Irenicus in the opening of BG2. *Boo sad squeak*

Edwin - Assumed Dead

Regular human so without magical or divine intervention he's gone. Now while he is a technically a powerful Thayvian wizard, I'm also awarding Edwin some dumbass points because let's face it, the dude is likely to end up dead just by the virtue of his obnoxious attitude.

Eldoth - Confirmed Dead

Regular human, plus his name appears on a gravestone in Baldur's Gate 3, to which we can safely say nothing of value was lost.

Faldorn - Confirmed Dead

Killed by the Bhaalspawn in BG2 for being a eco-terrorist.

Garrick - Assumed Dead

While Garrick appears and makes it out alive of BG2, he's also just a regular human so as always he's likely dead through old age.

Glint - Potentially Alive

Gnomes have a fairly decent lifespan at 350-500 years there's nothing stopping a reappearance from Glint other than he's not a particular memorable character given he only appears in SOD.

Haer'Dalis - Potentially Alive

Haer'Dalis is a tiefling who typical have a lifespan of 250 years in 5e so the sparrow could easily survive to appear in BG3. He is ultimately obsessed with death and decay, his epilogue has a great plothook for involving him in BG3 as he actually ends up leading a rebellion in the hells! Maybe he even fought with Karlach?

Hexxat - Potentially (un)Alive

Hexxat is an undead immortal vampire so yeah no problem for her to survive until BG3 regardless of whether she joined the Bhaalspawn or not. Her interactions with Astarion could be pretty fun if she was around.

Imoen - Potentially Alive

Working on the precedent set by both Abdel Adrian (who reached 136 before he was murdered) and Sarevok (who obviously appears in BG3), we can assume that Imoen has the potential to also be alive and kicking by the time of BG3 thanks to her demigod Bhaalspawn status...although presumably she would have aged appropriately as Abdel did e.g. white hair and wrinkled. Of course Imoen is also a talented archmage so even forgetting her demigod blood, her epilogue hints at the fact that she was hanging out with Elminister and Khelbun Blackstaff regularly so becoming one of Mystra's chosen with all the benefits that gives doesn't seem far fetched for her compared to the other human wizard characters e.g Nalia/Edwin.

Jaheria - Confirmed Alive

She's in BG3 dur plus as per Cernd she's a druid so she could have significantly slowed her aging.

Jan Jansen - Potentially Alive

Assuming he doesn't blow himself up before BG3 Jan could make it with the standard gnome lifespan of 350-500 years. I'm honestly surprised we didn't get some sort of wayward Jan Jansen reference in BG3.

Kagain - Potentially Alive (just)

Dwarves have a lifespan of 350 years in 5E so technically Kagain could make it to BG3 comfortably but this dude sounds like he was a tired old man in BG1 so I will caveat this one by saying he's probably only just about hanging on.

Keldorn - Almost Confirmed Dead

Ok so technically we don't see his death on screen but I'm taking Keldorn's epilogue as canon even if he didn't join up with the Bhaalspawn. Keldorn was an old and respected Paladin of Torm even before he even joined the party so the notion that he dies in final service, defending Amn and Torm personally comes down to pick him up to go to Heaven seems a pretty likely outcome for him.

Khalid - Confirmed Dead

Killed by Irenicus at the start of BG2 :(

Kivan - Potentially Alive

While it's said that him and Deheriana were on a romantic sojourn, I took that to mean their 'honeymoon', which made me think that Kivan was possibly younger then his gruff voice implied. Either way as an elven character with the possibility of living up to 750-1000 years, there's a good chance he'd be alive.

Korgan - Assumed Dead

Similar to Keldorn, Korgan is another character that I think his TOB epilogue gives us a pretty accurate outcome for him regardless of whether he travelled with the Bhaalspawn or not. While Korgan could technically survive until BG3 thanks to being a dwarf, the dude clearly loves bloodshed and the idea that he marched off into the Underdark to kill as many drow as possible seems entirely plausible.

Mazzy - Potentially Alive

Hot damn if there's a character I would love to see return to BG, it's Mazzy. Similar to Alora and the half elf characters, she is pushing it in terms of lifespan but old lady Mazzy would probably be just as bad ass as ever and probably out there fulfilling her original dream of becoming a paladin. Mazzy's epilogue does technically note that she dies but at a 'ripe old age' but to me that definitely leaves wiggle room.

M'Hkiin - Assumed Dead

Goblins have an even shorter lifespan than half orcs at only 60 years approximately. She is a Shaman so there's potential for magic fuckery but most likely she's dead.

Minsc - Confirmed Alive

if you didn't understand how Minsc was actually able to make it to BG3 given he's human, it's covered in somewhat in the game but mostly in the Legends of Baldur's Gate comics. In summary, at some point Minsc and Boo were petrified and put on display in the city due to people thinking it was a genuine statue of them. At some point a wild mage who is not Neera comes along and casts a spell after being attacked by some thugs. Her magic wild surges and de-petrifies Minsc and Boo.

Montaron - Confirmed Dead

Killed by the Harpers in BG2 following his and Xzar's unsuccessful attempt to break into the Harper compound in Athkatla. His dead body is later found in a trunk.

Nalia - Assumed Dead

Another regular human so unless 'a wizard did it' (which to be fair she is a wizard) she would be dead.

Neera - Potentially Alive

As a half elf Neera could make it to BG3 but she's probably an old lady similar to Jaheria. Unless of course a wild surge of magic fixed her right up with an extra lease of life.

Quayle - Potentially Alive

Gnomes live anywhere between 350 to 500 years in 5e and despite Quayle having a grey beard, you get the feeling he is incredibly immature in BG1 with his biography talking about him setting off to see the world once he 'came of age'. He does chill out after adopting Aerie in BG2 so not as likely to suffer death by obnoxiousness like Edwin.

Rasaad - Assumed Dead

While monks do benefit from 'timeless body' e.g. their bodies don't age thanks to their ki, they still die of old age so as a regular human, Rasaad would most likely be dead by the time of BG3.

Safana - Confirmed Dead

Our sexy seductress thief ends up being killed in BG2 after trying to incite werewolves to murder the Bhaalspawn for the bounty on their head. Instead she ends up being murdered by a werewolf who really fancies Coran and wants her out of the picture. Oh the irony.

Sarevok - Confirmed Alive

He's in BG3 dur but as noted above, it basically seems confirmed that the Bhaalspawn have extended lifespans due to their heritage.

Shar-Teel - Assumed Dead

Another regular human so without magical or divine intervention she's also gone. Also another candidate for likely to have died in a fight similar to Korgan and Dorn.

Skie - Confirmed Dead

Killed by Irenicus in Siege of Dragonspear as part of his plot to capture the Bhaalspawn in the leadup to BG2. Even if you don't count SOD as canon, she was a regular human.

Tiax - Confirmed Dead

After being locked up for reasons of insanity in BG2, our gnome friend unfortunately snuffs it in the fight against Irenicus in Spellhold.

Valygar - Assumed Dead

One more regular human for the dead pile with no special powers to extend his life.

Viconia - Confirmed Alive

She's in BG3 dur.

Voghilin - Assumed Dead

Regular human plus liver disease caused by excessive drinking.

Xzar - Confirmed Dead

See Montaron. Also killed by Harpers in BG2 by a poly-morphed bird/assassin.

Xan - Potentially Alive

Although Xan technically gets eaten by a giant spider in the Philip Athans novelisation I think those books have been declared non canon, which means everyone's favourite morose elf could still be alive, assuming he hasn't succumbed to depression. Even if he did die, Xan's soul would be bound to his moonblade until it became inactive as per moonblade rules so there's definitely possibility for him appearing even if he was technically dead.

Yeslick - Potentially Alive

Again thanks to dwarves living a reasonable 350 years, Yeslick has every chance of being alive, presuming he doesn't accidentally kill himself with that 7 intelligence score.

Yoshimo - Confirmed Dead

Killed by either the Bhaalspawn during the Spellhold fight with Irenicus or he dies to the geas spell if you didn't take him with you.

Has anyone made a list of which BG1 & 2 companions would still be alive at the time of BG3? I'm just curious. And not because I totally want the image of old man Jan Janssen in a wheelchair held together by fireworks and eccentricity yelling about turnips to have some logistical validity.

[deadwooddross]

gonna go ahead and crack pandora’s wasp nest open here—how could naruto have been good/how would u have written it

*begins chewing at my restraints and rips the iron door of my containment unit off its hinges* okay so the SHORT version is that naruto should have ENDED ssssomewhere around the Pain arc, maybe throw in one more, could probably keep..tobi...if you just make it WAY less convoluted, but. like that's it that's the wrap up on the lesson of NINJAS ARE HUMAN WEAPONS IN THE ARSENAL OF ENDLESS WAR. You can get maybe ONE more amp up, but the actual story did like 40, because it's shonen. Also Naruto could have had at least a LITTLE thought put into how he was like. raised. there is so much retroactive storytelling in this manga but apparently naruto has just been living in an apartment off his government provided milk and ramen since he was an infant. Maybe make me give a shit about Sarutobi by having had him go and bottle feed the demon baby or SOMETHING. Is Jiraiya the deadbeat sending child support checks or something? It's extremely hard to have Naruto exist at all as he is the second you put any thought into his childhood- which is why GAARA EXISTS. THAT'S NARUTO WITH 6 SECONDS OF THOUGHT. GIVE THAT BOY A FRIEND TO EXPLAIN HOW HE'S SO PEPPY!! SOME SORT OF GUARDIAN FIGURE BEFORE HE'S 12, Iruka could Almost count if he didn't act like he barely knew the little guy. Teacher Watches Orphan Go To Empty Home While Sad Flute Song Plays and says: Fuck that little kid, cant stand him, oh shit wait the author realized he needs one (1) parental figure in order to not lose his mind okay here i c Anyway, besides all that. Well for one thing Sasuke is RIGHT. Fuck Konoha! And the Government! did you see what they did to his clan!!! That one dude fucking HARVESTED them!! So you have little renegade fuck the system baby, and "If I'm king president I can fix all the problems!" baby. Good end: Naruto goes damn maybe u right and we should make some steps to try and alter the cycle of war and death and genetic eyeball supremacy. Neji voice: yeah i taught you all about weird bloodline family shit, remember that?? Bad end: The Entire Rest Of Naruto and Boruto, And No One Learned Anything. Also, the retroactive addition of GODS and PROPHECY anD REINCARNATION and MORE BLOODLINE SUPER WIZARD POWERS is so. Lame, Boring, Snore. Giving naruto a special baby background DESTROYS the fact he's kind of a nobody! He's just some kid with ONE skill he worked really hard on and he uses it in order to hack his way into doing all the other stuff he wants to do!! His only boon is haaving a LOT of energy to burn and STUBBORNNESS!! Screams in ADHD child Haku, Gaara, the Akatsuki/Orochimaru, and Pain. Are all good. Those are the arcs that stay and every one of them has a PRETTY STRONG POINT point about what happens when you smash children into little nukes. Eats that with a spoon. (PS JIRAIYA WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID YOU LEAVE THOSE INFANTS IN A WAR Z) Oh also there's a lot to be said on how to rewrite uhhh literally Any of the women characters into relevancy because as they are rn they barely even count as such. But if i talk about that I would be here for the entire rest of the y- IMAGINE IF SAKURA'S FUCKING MEDICAL JUTSU MEANT ANYTHING!! WHAT IF SHE COULD HAVE BEEN USEFUL AGAINST KONAN BECAUSE SHE CAN SEE ALL HER NERVES IN HER HORRIFYING PAPER FLESH NO JUTSU, SOMETHING, ANYTHING, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *i am dragged back into my cell*

[p-artsypants]

Arcadia or Bust (17)

Heartstone Hall

Previously on Arcadia or Bust:

James Lake Sr. came back to Arcadia while Jim and friends were out retrieving the new Heartstone. The deadbeat not only ran away with a girl, but he’d been dealing cocaine in LA. Now he’s come back to lay low, since he owes a lot of money to some really dangerous men. He got a kilo of cocaine to try to make his profit back, only to not pick it up from the drop zone before Jim found it. Thinking it was trash, Jim ate the brick and went into an 8 hour rage, busting up the town. The US army of Area 49-B got a whiff of the destruction and came to collect Jim from the hospital. With a campaign from the town and an old friend of Walter’s, Jim is turned loose. However, he’s not out of the woods yet, as his amulet was ripped out of his chest and now he has a crater. 

—

*points in a random direction* Hey look! What’s that over there?! *Drops update* *runs*

Ao3 | FF.net

—

“It’s okay Jim, you’re going to be okay,” said Claire, as she hovered just over his face, and pressed little kisses to his cheek. “We’re going home.” 

“…For the…glory…” he muttered, before wincing and falling silent. 

“Are you taking us to the hospital?” Barbara asked as the van sped on, faster than any speed limit. 

“Nope,” said Samuel. “I think this is a Heartstone issue.” 

She nodded, knowing that would be the best. “He needs a tissue transplant, but his skin is so tough…I don’t even know what we could do for him. Get human skin and have Merlin transform it into half-troll? I hate that I don’t know what to do! I’m not a surgeon, damnit! And I’m certainly no magic expert!” 

“Stop at the McDonald’s near the edge of town,” said Toby. 

“Really? You want a Big Mac at a time like this?” 

“No! Merlin is probably there, and I bet he could fix Jim up.” 

“Wait, Merlin-Merlin? Like ‘Amulet of Merlin, Sword of Excalibur’ Merlin?” Asked Samuel.

“That’s the one!” 

Once they got into town, Samuel pulled in at the McDonalds as requested, and Toby was out the door before he stopped the car. 

“Merlin! Merlin help!” He cried, as he ran inside the restaurant. 

The employees behind the counter all looked at him, and then pointed at Merlin, who had set up shop in the corner of the store. He was surrounded by books, and other magical artifacts. 

How had management allowed this? Well actually, Merlin wouldn’t have listened to any authority, so they probably didn’t allow it. 

Toby ran to the wizard. “We got Jim back! He’s in the van, and he’s hurt really bad! We need you to heal him!” 

“What kind of injury?” Asked Merlin, calmly packing up his books. 

“They took his amulet, and there’s a huge hole in his chest! I could see his lungs!” 

Merlin screwed up his lips in thought. “Where are they taking him? To the Heartstone?”

“That’s what Samuel said!” 

Merlin didn’t ask who Samuel was, so he probably didn’t care. “I will be there shortly. I must gather the appropriate supplies. Keep him reclined and relaxed. And try not to prod the wound.” 

Toby nodded once and then ran back outside to the van. 

One of the McDonald employees calmly came over and refilled Merlin’s coffee, as he had asked to be done every hour. 

“Good lad. I’m leaving now. Here, for your trouble.” And he dropped a sizable emerald in the kid’s hand. 

The kid looked at it and shrugged. “Whatever.” It beat minimum wage at least.

—

At the canal, Claire opened up the portal to Trollmarket while Walter and Samuel started to get Jim out of the van. She ran in and called out, “Blinky! ARRRGH! Jim’s back! He’s hurt!” 

ARRRGH came running, while Blinky gathered all sorts of supplies and carried them down to the Heartstone. 

It was a mad dash then. Jim was quickly, but carefully, brought down into Heartstone Hall, and rested on his mattress on the floor. 

“…cold…” he whispered as he grasped and pulled at the blankets. 

Barbara pulled the comforter up to his stomach, and draped a smaller one over his right side. “I know you're cold, but you have a wound, and we can’t cover it yet.” 

“…water…” 

“I’m on it!” Cried Toby, running upstairs.

Jim groaned out in pain, and the Heartstone responded with a pulse of light. 

“Is that good?” Asked Claire. 

“The Heartstone is picking up on Jim’s pain, and is releasing magic to aid in his healing!” Said Blinky, with a smile. 

“Is that going to deplete the magic we put back into it?” 

“No no! Well, maybe…it shouldn’t!” 

Jim moaned out again, tensing his whole body, and craning his neck in an effort to find relief. 

“Just a little bit longer, sweetie,” said Barbara. “Merlin will be here soon.” She gnawed on her lip. “I could probably get an IV for him from the hospital. I have my phone, so call me if there’s any change!” 

“I’ll drive you, Dr. Lake,” said Samuel. 

“That’s alright, I’ll take the tunnel to my house and grab my car. That way, you don’t need to be held up here any longer. You’ve been a great help.” 

The general smiled. “It was worth it more than I thought. The Trollhunter owes me a favor now, you see. I probably won’t need to collect, but it’s always fun to have that in your back pocket. And besides, I got to see Trollmarket and the Heartstone with my own eyes.” He glanced at the orange stone. “That’s a privilege everyone in the Janus Order longed for.” Before he got too wistful, he turned to Walt. “You’ll let me know how this all turns out, right? Because I’m invested in Mr. Lake’s fate now.”

“I’ll text you updates.” 

“Fantastic.” He gave Jim a pat on the shoulder. “Hang in there, Trollhunter.”

“I’ll show you out,” said Barbara as they left together. 

Then it was just Blinky, ARRRGH, Claire, and Walt. Time ticked on in silence, as no one knew what to do or say. Only occasional groans from Jim broke the quiet atmosphere.

“What’s taking Merlin so long?” Said Claire, with irritation. 

“He’s coming?” Asked Blinky.

“We told him about what happened before we came down here. Said he had to collect ‘appropriate materials’.” 

“So he’s collecting materials,” said Walter. “It might take some time.” 

“Yeah, but he’s probably doing it at a leisurely pace. The man has no concept of time anymore. We need to get him a phone. Or at least a walkie-talkie.” 

Just then, a gallon bucket of ice and water bottles descended on a rope from the center column of the room. 

“Heads up! It’s kinda heavy!” Toby called before it hit the ground harshly. Then he nearly tumbled down the stairs himself. 

“I got a bunch because I know Jim doesn’t have running water down here yet, and I didn’t want us to run out!” He took a bottle from the bucket and put a silly straw in it so Jim could drink without having to sit up. “Sorry Jim, this is the only straw I have…it says ‘big boy’.” Toby tilted the end of the straw so it touched Jim’s lips. 

In his half conscious state, Jim felt it, took it in his mouth, and sucked, emptying half the bottle in one go. He released the straw and licked his lips. 

“Better, Jimbo?” 

“Uh huh…” Jim managed a little nod. 

“Okay. I’ll be on water duty. You just say the word, okay?” 

“…For…the glory of Merlin…” Jim tried again, before wincing hard. “Hurts to breathe…” 

Claire sat cross legged on the bed next to him, scratching his scalp lightly with her nails. “Just hang on for a little bit longer. Your mom is bringing some medicine from the hospital, and Merlin is going to fix you up.” 

His eyes flickered open ever so slightly. “Where am I?” 

“You’re in Heartstone Hall, in your bed.” 

His eyes closed again. “My amulet…gone.” 

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it right now. Just relax.” 

“Hurts…” 

“I know, babe, I know.” 

Walt stood, looking at his phone. “Barbara’s back. I’ll go help her.” And he left. 

Blinky snapped his fingers. “I think Vendal had a recipe for a burn salve up there. I can work on that. Come ARRRGH! It’s the least we can do!” 

“Yell if Jim need help,” ARRRGH added, as he followed Blinky up the stairs. 

“More water, Jimbo?” 

“Huh Uh…” 

After he drank, he winced, and a tear rolled from his eye. “I want my mom.” 

“She’s coming, Jim. She’s bringing some medicine for you.” 

“Where…am I?” 

Claire then realized that Jim was barely conscious, and wasn’t listening to much anyways. She’d end up repeating herself a lot. 

She pushed his bangs out of his face and kissed his forehead. “Shh, it’s okay. You’re nice and safe, babe.” 

Toby and Claire sat in silence as Jim continued to struggle to breathe. 

Thankfully, Barbara and Walt appeared not a minute later, with all sorts of goodies. 

“Alright kiddo, let’s get you all cleaned up. Claire, would you put on these gloves? I’d like you to clean the skin around his wound with these alcohol swabs while I set up the IV.” 

“On it Barb!” Claire got to work quickly, thankful to be able to do something to help. 

Walt set up the IV stand while Barbara prepared the needle and inserted it in Jim’s arm. 

“I hate that I have to use a thicker gauge needle, but your skin is so tough, kid.” 

Jim didn’t seem to even register what she was doing. 

Once the IV was in and taped in place, Barbara took out a thick gauze and started taping it in place on Jim’s chest. “The wound isn’t bleeding nearly as much as it should,” she stated, with a frown.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Asked Claire. 

“I’m thinking it’s because of the burns on him. They weren’t this bad at the hospital. He had been out in sunlight that day, but it was overcast and he had on long sleeves.” She taped down the gauze with medical masking tape. “No, this looks like...well, third degree on a human. Direct heat like flames or burning metal. I guess that would be a UV light for Jim.” 

“I’m going to hammer that lady into the ground,” Toby muttered.

“There, this should be good for now. I’ll bandage him again once Merlin cleans him up.” She rested a weak hand to her head. “Lord help me, I’m depending on Merlin.” 

Thankfully, news came by Claire’s phone, with an unknown number. 

“Hello?” 

“Claire? This is Douxie.” 

“Douxie! Please tell me you’re with Merlin!” 

“I am! Not that I can get his butt moving any faster. He briefed me on the situation, and I’ve been trying to rush him…but, you know how he is…” 

She could hear the old man shouting somewhere in the near distance. “Three days? Well he’ll be dead by then! No need for it by that time! You don’t have anything in stock?” 

Claire winced. “Where are you guys?” 

“At the hardware store, ummm you’re better off not knowing why for now. We’ll be at Trollmarket soon, I promise!” 

“Thank you. And thank you for calling. We were getting worried.” 

“How is he?” 

“Barely conscious. He’s on an IV with pain meds now…so he’ll be feeling a little better. He keeps trying to summon his amulet, but he doesn’t have the strength.” 

“Uh oh, he doesn’t have the amulet with him?” 

“No, the army wouldn’t give it back.” 

Douxie exhaled in a huff. “We’ll figure something out. Oh, Looks like Merlin found an alternative. We’ll be on our way soon!” 

“Great! See you!” And she ended the call. “Merlin should be coming soon!” 

“Thank goodness!” Barbara sighed. “Though it looks like Jim finally fell asleep. His pain is mostly managed…all we can do now is wait.” 

It felt like they were waiting hours. But there was not much else to do. 

Jim slept fitfully, occasionally opening his eyes to look around. It was clear he was exhausted, so he’d just close them again a moment later, and they heard his slow breathing. 

“This is torture,” said Claire. “But I can’t imagine what he’s been through.” 

“I hope that along with her discharge, that Kubritz lady does hard time in prison,” said Toby. 

“And I hope they do everything to her that she did to him,” Claire added, with venom. “If they don’t, I will.”

“I’ll back you up.” 

It was hard to share small talk, but just listening to Jim’s labored breathing and waiting felt like a terrible option. 

Finally, finally, Merlin’s horrible grating voice echoed through the Heartstone husk. “Hello? Is this where the injured Jim is?” 

“Yes!” Claire cried out. She was never so happy to hear that man’s voice. 

No really, most of the time, his appearance filled her with dread. 

Merlin and Douxie descended the stairs, arms full of plastic shopping bags. 

And it finally seemed like Merlin was done wasting time, as he spared no greetings and got busy examining Jim. He removed the blanket that covered his shoulder, and the temporary bandages Barbara applied. 

He cringed at the sight of the crater. “Yikes. That is quite the wound.” 

“Can you heal him?” Claire asked, afraid that he wasn’t up to the task. 

“Sure. No problem. Douxie, prepare the plaster.” 

“Plaster?” Barbara asked, with horror.

“Ugh, I know,” said the wizard. “Three days for expedited shipping for clay! Ridiculous! I thought the modern era was a time of immediate gratification! But no, the one time I need something quick, it’s a three day wait! Do they not know where the nearest clay deposits are?!” 

“Okay, but the plaster? What’s the deal with the plaster?!” 

“What else do you expect me to use to fill a wound in a troll?” 

“You’re going to pour plaster in his open wound?!” 

“Yes! And more!” He glanced over to the bucket Douxie was mixing in. “How’s it coming?” 

“Do you want it more watery, or thick?” 

“Thick without being too dry.” Then he turned back and leaned in close to Jim. “None of you are going to like what I’m about to do.” He pressed two fingers to Jim’s chest, and spoke, “imperium.” 

Jim’s eyes flashed open, wide, pupils expanded so the iris was just a hint of blue.

“Jim Lake Jr., summon your amulet,” Merlin commanded. 

Jim raised his hand up in the air slowly and spoke clearly, “for the glory of Merlin, daylight is mine to command.” 

Then Merlin let go, and Jim fell back into slumber, Claire having to catch his hand before it smacked him in the face. 

“What was that?” She asked. 

“I thought it was fairly obvious. A mind control spell. Very weak, only works on unconscious individuals within range.” 

“You know Mind Control?” Asked Toby, with some horror. 

“To a degree. As I said. It’s more like the power of suggestion. Morgana has learned how to fully possess someone’s mind, but I always preferred to use my natural charisma to persuade people.” 

Someone snorted. 

“The plaster is ready,” said Douxie. “Did you want to start with the strips?” 

“Yes,” he collected the tray Douxie had prepared. Mesh cloth strips sprayed with plaster, which created a base. Carefully, Merlin began to lay the strips in the hole in Jim’s chest, applying just enough pressure to adhere them and blend the edges. Once he had completely coated the inside, without filling the hole, he stopped.  

“There, now we’ll treat his burns. You said you had electricity down here?” 

“Uh, yeah. There’s an outlet on the wall next to you,” said Claire. 

“Perfect.” From his various bags, he took out a palm sander with a coarse paper on it. He plugged it in. “Now how do I work this thing?” 

“Why don’t you let me handle that while you use the file…” Douxie took the power tool away from him. “Claire, can you sit him up and lean against his back as a counter weight?”

“The file? I don’t want to use the file! I got this so you would use the file!”

“Merlin!” Barbara scolded. 

“Fine, I’ll use the file…better for fine detailing anyways.”

It was agonizing moments as Douxie buffed away the dried, burnt skin that came off like dust, while Merlin shucked off the chunks that were too thick for the sander. 

Jim, for the most part, only twitched and cried out on occasion, only when they got too close to fresh skin. 

Once he was rubbed raw and bright blue, a little bloody in some places, they stopped. 

“It’s like an extreme pumice stone,” Douxie tried to soothe, feeling guilty as Claire wiped her tears. “The skin affected by the sun, or UV lights or whatever, was solid stone and had to come  off.” 

“I know,” said Claire. “It was just…jarring.” 

“Alright, we’re almost done,” said Merlin, scrounging up some compassion. “You can recline him again, Fair Claire.” 

Gently, Claire laid him back down on the pillows. 

Merlin took the loose plaster and slopped a bit in the wound, trying to make up for the missing space. 

Then, from the stairs came a ‘plink, plunk, plink, plunk’ as the amulet rolled its way down and stopped at Merlin’s feet. “Got here faster than I anticipated. I’d love to see the damage it did on it’s way.” 

“I thought if someone stole the amulet, it wouldn’t come back?” Asked Toby. 

“Not unless it’s properly summoned. If it only chooses one Trollhunter, you think it would want to be anywhere else?” Merlin cleaned the amulet with a rag to a near mirror shine, before placing it back in its spot on Jim’s chest. 

“Can’t you just keep it out of him? What if something like this happens again?” 

“Then we’ll just have to buy more plaster,” shrugged Merlin. “Anyway, it’s better this way.” He smeared more plaster in the cracks and smoothed it with his hands, until the seam was perfectly even. 

“Now what?”

“The plaster should start to dry soon, and a chemical reaction will take place, putting off heat. Then I will start the incantation.”

“Why then?”

“Must everything I do be questioned?”

“Yes.” Said everyone, unanimously.

“Because I said so. That’s why.” He touched the plaster, careful not to jostle it, and waited for the heat to set in. “Alright, I suggest everyone stand back. You too, Claire, get behind me.” 

Claire scooted off the bed and stood back with Toby and Barbara, then they waited anxiously. 

“It’s going to look and sound painful, but a little bit of pain, and he’ll be all better.” Merlin’s hands glowed blue, interacting with the pulsing, ticking amulet. Instead of a one word spell, like he had been doing, Merlin muttered a fast string of words that sounded like nothing and everything at the same time. Lightning bolts skittered from his fingertips, and drew patterns on Jim’s flesh. 

Jim screamed and writhed as every bolt connected. They danced across the plaster, turning it to his hardened flesh as they moved. The hands on the amulet spun rapidly as the stone pulsed a violent blue. The wound from Morgana, lower on his chest, flickered orange like embers. The Heartstone glowed as well. 

Claire felt her hair stand on end and goosebumps rise to her skin. The magic in the room was deafening, blinding, and amazing.

Finally, Merlin halted, and only smoke remained. 

Jim breathed deep, quick breaths, like you would after a run. But it wasn’t labored or halted, like before. 

“Cl-Claire?” He asked, his voice stronger than it had been. 

She nearly tackled him. “Jim! Jim you’re alright!” 

He winced slightly as she collided with his raw skin, but hugged her anyway. “Where am I?” 

“You’re home!” 

“Home?” 

“It’s a long story. How do you feel?” 

“Tired, hungry…a little sore. I remember being in a lot of pain…” he looked down at his chest, touching the amulet in confusion. 

“Merlin just healed you,” she explained. “They hurt you pretty bad, huh?” 

He rolled his neck and stretched his shoulders. “No kidding.” 

“Well,” said Merlin, “my work here is done. I think I’m ready for a nap of my own.” 

“Thank you, Merlin,” Barbara said sincerely. “Thank you for saving my boy.” 

“Of course! You didn’t think I was going to leave my greatest warrior to die, did you? Oh, before I forget, I should probably give this back.” He handed a black wallet over to her. 

“Wait, whose is this?” 

“James’. I needed to pay for the sander somehow.” 

Barbara laughed. “Well, he’s not going to be happy about it, but glad to know he contributed to this too.” Then she muttered, “considering it’s all his fault in the first place.” 

By the end of the day, Jim was up. Not fully recovered, but enough to shuffle around. He was able to go to his mother’s house and take a shower, while Barbara changed the blood-stained, plaster dusted sheets. When he was all clean, he sat in the living room in his sweatpants, exhausted, and aching. 

“Blinky made you a salve, if you want me to put it on you,” Claire offered, holding up a little jar. 

“I’d love that.” 

She delicately rubbed it into his skin, like Aloe on a severe sunburn. Careful not to scratch him, but also wanting to make sure he was covered.

James walked past the room and halted. “Jim! You’re—you’re back!” 

Jim just glanced at the man. “And?”

“I just…um, look, I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?”

“I didn’t know…that you ate trash. I would have made the drop for the cocaine somewhere else. I didn’t think—that’s not something people usually have to worry about, you know?”

“Yeah. Usually.” Jim said, stone cold. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Why do you care?”

“B-because you’re my son?” 

Jim couldn’t stifle the eye roll. “So NOW you think I’m your son? Where was that mentality when you pointed a shotgun at me?”

“I was in a severe crack withdrawal when I did that.” 

“And you’re just magically better now?”

James sat in an armchair opposite him. “I’m not going to say yes, but I’m better. I’m trying to get out of your and Babs’ lives, because I brought so much hurt in the first place. But…seeing what I’m missing out on—“ 

“No!” Jim snarled, standing up. “You don’t get to be sentimental now. You don’t get to change your mind. You suck! That’s all you’ve done! Mom’s moved on, I have men that are more fatherly than you could ever be if you tried! So just—finish your business and get lost!” He tried to step towards the basement, but he crumbled, still far too physically weak to walk on his own. 

“I got you,” Claire whispered, wrapping an arm around his waist. “James,” she turned to look at him briefly. “I don’t know if you realized how crappy that thing you just said was. Don’t try to get Jim’s hopes up. He’s hurt, he’s upset, he’s vulnerable. So just stay away. If you truly want to be back in Jim’s life, don’t mention that you’re considering it. Back it up with action, or else you’ll just be disappointing us all when you go back. And as far as I know…your word is worthless.” She helped Jim walk slowly back to the basement, to the tunnel back to Trollmarket. 

“Trouble? I heard yelling,” said Draal.  

“No, no trouble. Thanks Draal,” Jim gave him a weak, affectionate punch. 

—

Many many miles away, a group of men watched the news, an old broadcast that one of them had snagged. 

“—The campaign worked perfectly! Now, hero to Arcadia, James Lake Jr. has been released from his wrongful imprisonment for his bizarre appearance, and returned home. Lake is hailed a local hero, as his acts of kindness and selflessness during a horrendous tornado in the area have become well known in the community as well as on social media. A parade in Lake’s honor is set for this weekend, as Lake has made a good progression in his recovery from captivity.”

“Okay, a kid was arrested because he looks weird. Not sure what the correlation is.” 

The leader of the pack smiled. “Oh, it’s such a subtle thing. We don’t care about the kid, or his deeds, or even the city of Arcadia really.” 

“Then…what?”

“Did you catch the boy’s name?”

“I…Lake? Like…”

“Jim Lake Jr. is what they said. Maybe a common name. But if there’s a Junior…perhaps there’s a Senior nearby.”

—

I have not seen Rise of the Titans (though I expect to watch it this weekend) but I heard it was…not good, story wise. So in this fic, I won’t be applying any of it. Probably. Unless something juicy catches my eye.

[crazyyanderefangirlfan]

The Rabbit Of Night Raven. Chapter 2: Bring on the Mania!

Chapter 2: Bring on the Mania! Part 1

Sunlight filtered through the windows of Ramshackle and creating a mini spotlight for the two figures on the bed. Grim yawned and nuzzling against the pillow, having the most blissful dream.

"I will become the greatest *yawn* tuna wizard ever."

Valerie peeked inside the room, gushing at the sight of her adorable sleeping companios. She was already dressed and decided for those two sleep in a bit. She took out her phone and snapped a quick pic. Once she placed it back, time for more pressing matters.

"Grim, time to wake up. We have class." 

Howegroaned and turned away from her. The girl pouted, but luckily she had a backup plan.

"Fine, since you won't wake up. I'll just have to eat that premium tuna sandwich that I made for breakfast. I was gonna give it to you, but it looks like I have to eat all four sandwiches."

"NO!" Like a bolt of lightning, he ran downstairs and to the kitchen. Valerie chuckled. She idly made her way downstairs and found Grim hastily stuffing his face.

"Your gonna choke." She commented, he sent her a glare and snapped back a retort, but he ended up choking a bit. She quickly ran to his side and patted his back.  Eventually, he swallowed the rest of his sandwich. He panted heavily and gave the girl a dirty look. She responded with a sheepish smile.

"Eheh. Sorry, Grim."

"You better be! As an apology, you shall buy whatever I want at lunch!"

"Yes. Boss baby."

Grim jumped up and draped himself around her shoulders. She grabbed her stuff, bid the ghosts goodbye, and made her way to school. It's been a week since Valerie last saw Amane. She hoped he was okay and didn't get into trouble. 

Finally, she made her way to Main street where her first-year squad was waiting for her. Ace and Deuce were in the middle of another heated argument, with Jack trying and failing to break them apart. Epel looked like he wanted to join in but restrained himself. Sebek appeared to be looking for someone. He finally spotted her.

"GOOD MORNING, VALERIE!" The other boys winced at his volume but saw her too.

"Fuck Sebek, could you tone it down? My eardrums almost burst." Ace complained as he rubbed his ears.

"Good morning Valerie." Deuce offered her a sweet smile, which she returned.

"Morning, guys."

"You came just in time. I was about to smack their heads." Jack huffed, re-adjusting his bag. Epel waved at her. He blushed when she pecked his cheek, to which the other boys glared at him.

"Let's just go." Ace grumbled as he pulled Valerie away from the lavender haired boy. Lisha flew back to her head. As they walked through the halls, a random student walked up to them, specifically Valerie.

"The headmaster wants you in his office."

Valerie bit back a sigh. It was early in the morning, and the crow had another job for her. Her friends must have sensed her exasperation and offered to go with her.

"You sure? You guys might miss class."

"It's fine, princess, don't worry. Besides, we gotta hold you back in case you kill him." Ace teased. She smiled at that.

They stood in front of Crowley's office. Valerie took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for whatever bullshit Crowley has in store for her. She knocked. There was a muffled reply but took it as confirmation. Although this is not what she expected...

_____________________________

"What's up, Sugar tits!"

There stood Amane in all his glory. Dressed in a hot pink off-shoulder pleated blouse with white skinny jeans and a pair of beige suede ankle boots. Around his neck is a black choker with a gold heart and wearing a familiar smirk on his face. On his shoulder was a rusty-barred owl with a black ribbon around it.

Ace and Deuce paled at the sight of him.

"Amane!" She ran to him for a hug, who staggered from the impact but returned the hug. 

"The weirdo is back." Grim groaned.

“Who’s this.” Pointing at the bird.

“Its Lisha, the ribbon around her keeps her on that form.” The incubi answered.

"Okay, but what are you doing here?" She asked.

"I believe I have the answer to your question Ms. Kemonihito" Crowley spoke up. Oh yeah, she forgot about him.

"Mr. Mania, please wait outside with the rest of the first years." 

Ace and Deuce, trying to blend into the background as much a possible, stared bug-eyed at the headmaster. While the rest of their friends were confused about their behavior.

"He can't be THAT bad, can he?" Epel whispered to Jack, who shrugged.  They all stiffen when Amane's eyes fixate on them, and they could see why the Heartslabyul duo is scared of him.

His stare is fierce. Filled with uncontrollable hunger as he stared at their bodies, his gaze lingered at Jack and Sebek. Both were on high alert when they noticed his eyes on them. 

Epel trembled. His gaze was far more intense than Rook's, and honestly, he would prefer his Rook's stare over Amane's any day.

However, Ace and Deuce were praying to the great seven to give them the strength to survive another one of his 'flirtations.'

The heterochromia male gave them a lascivious smile. "Of course. I'm eager to meet her beloved friends." He strutted past them, not before giving them a flirty wink. The boys shuddered but followed him.

As soon as the door shut, Valerie faced Crowley.

"Now, to answer your previous question, Valerie. Mr. Mania would like to spend two days with you." She opened her mouth, but he cut her off.

"Normally, I would not allow this. But Mr. Mania has offered a generous sum of money, as well as advertising for the school to ensure more students enroll next year. So all I ask of you is to keep an eye on him, make sure he stays out of trouble, and not to harass others."

"Considering I never have a say in anything you ask me, I'll do it."

"Fantastic! I have already informed the rest of the teachers of Amane's presence. Aren't I gracious?"

'Graciously annoying.' But she'll keep that tidbit for herself. She excused herself and walked out of the deadbeat's office. However, she didn't expect the state of her friends when she left them with Amane.

Ace, Deuce, and Epel were behind Jack and Sebek. The three of them were shaking, clearly traumatized. Jack and Sebek's faces were red as apples, and their expressions were a mixture of embarrassment and indignance.

"Ehhh... What did we miss?" The boys snapped to attention. Never in their lives that they would be so relieved to hear Grim's voice.

"Valerie! He!... Never in my life that I have met someone so controlled by lust! How do you even manage with him!?" Sebek, at this point, was ready to pull out his pen and blast Amane to the farthest side of the school.

"Awww~ Poor little baby is shy~" Amane giggled, relishing Sebek's flustered face.

"So, what happened? Is he leaving?" Deuce didn't even bother to hide his hopeful expression. The rest of them perk up, silently praying for that to be true. Alas, fate is cruel. 

"Oh, no. Actually, Amane will be with me for two days."

Valerie failed to perceive the look of pure terror on her friends' faces, nor Amane's sadistic delight upon seeing them.

"What? Is that even allowed?" Jack narrowed his eyes, his ears were pulled back, and his tail is pointed straight outwards parallel to the ground.

"It sure is, you fluffy hunk." The wolf recoiled. Amane had another flirtatious smile as he eyed Jack.

"All I had to do is to give that crow some money, a bit of advertising, and I'm good to go."

Uhh. Of course.

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 7

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Last time, Saelhen and Looseleaf continued their scouring of the evil torture wizard's evil torture tower for clues as to the identity of the murderer terrorizing the towns of Barley and Wheat. They found a bunch of mysterious documents of ominous character, but they've yet to check out the tower's hidden basement- and the ne'er-do-well lurking within...

The basement doesn't immediately contain any horrors, unless you're the type to get the jibblies from a messy room. There's dirty dishes (recently used), empty beer bottles from a Zeishus Brewery, and discarded clothes everywhere. It's very lived-in, and whoever lives-in here doesn't seem like they were expecting visitors.

Saelhen takes a look at the desk nearest the stairs, next to a well-used recliner and a recently-extinguished candle. She gets a nat 20 on her Investigation, and finds that the desk has been rotated to face the wall, concealing a drawer that doesn't look like it's been opened in some time, judging by the cobwebs.

What's inside is mainly more of the sort of thing they found on the sixth floor- technical notes on neurology and pain magic. With the critical success, she's able to piece together that the odd numbers on the abrasive letter found upstairs were some sort of pain measurements the letter-writer was providing to Lumiere.

They also find a less academic, more personal note, expressing frustration with his own research.

"Why would the Burnscreamer's rituals require Abyssal? Even a god like him shouldn't have any connection to the demons- what is he playing at?" "If I could just correct the sigil, I could bypass so much of this nonsense..."

Saelhen then gets a nat 1 on her Religion roll to know what that means, and assumes the Burnscreamer is the frontman for a metal band her dad likes.

As they search the rest of the room, they notice- at the bottom of the central shaft- a circular basin in the stone floor. It's stained red, but it's dry- not as much blood as you'd expect to see given the carnage on the sixth floor, so it seems like it's been recently emptied or cleaned out.

Oyobi, meanwhile, checks the locked door by the stairs, and finds it... cold? I wonder what that means vis-a-vis-

The extremely sneaky +9 Stealth person hiding braced against the walls of the central shaft fucks up right about then, and slips a little, letting out an involuntary "Gh- shit!", alerting the party to his presence.

Saelhen tries to chase after this person by parkouring off those same walls, gets a 9, and faceplants in the blood basin, leaving the issue to the party member who has wings. As the hider flees through one of the doors in the shaft, Looseleaf uses her darkvision and 24 Investigation roll to pick out the right door and give chase.

(Meanwhile, the rest of the party heads up the stairs normally- and Saelhen orders Orluthe to bust down the front door, so they can go outside and catch anyone trying to escape by rappelling down the side of the building. This turns out to be unnecessary, because when Looseleaf detected that the front door was magic and assumed it was a trap, this was incorrect.)

Benedict I. (GM): ("who knows what kind of trap could be on this magic door? better go up and through the window into the room full of traps, instead") (i was laughing so hard) (it's just an automatic door!) Looseleaf: Honestly, the people in town oversold this place. They made it sound like such a deathtrap and really it was just a bunch of spiky bots. And knives. And comfy pillows. Benedict I. (GM): Well, when they were there, there was a living evil torture wizard actively trying to take them prisoner and torture them.

Looseleaf botches her Investigation roll to search the torture lab she emerges in, but... that doesn't stop her from just checking each and every possible hiding place one by one, manually. She alights upon the correct solution swiftly- checking inside the broken remains of the iron maiden.

bBenedict I. (GM): Anyway, Looseleaf, inside the corpse of the iron maiden, you find. A rather heavy man, performing a downright heroic feat of contortionism to suspend himself inside the door without getting impaled on the spikes. Arnie: "Uh." "Can you pretend you never saw me?" Looseleaf: "That depends on what you're doing here, I guess. Who are you and what are you doing here?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: oh that is a nervous man Arnie: "No one. Nothing. I'm, uh, supposed to be like, dead, probably." "So I'm not here." "Yeah?"

Arnie Zeishus is the deadbeat husband of Cassie, the innkeeper from Barley, who fled town a while back. He explains that after fleeing his responsibilities in Barley, he tried to set up shop in Wheat running a brewery, but got in trouble flouting the brewing regulations of the Ecumene of Harmony. So after getting arrested there and breaking out of prison, he decided to sneak into the torture wizard's tower and lay low as a squatter in the guy's basement. He figured he might get caught and tortured, but it couldn't be worse than what the townspeople wanted to do to him.

Except, as luck would have it, the torture wizard was already dead when he arrived! So he's been making a home of the place with Lumiere's old animated housekeepers, using the torture wizard's fearsome reputation as a way to keep anyone from tracking him down and making him do stuff like clean up a distillery explosion or pay child support or what have you.

On the other hand, someone has been sneaking around his tower doing something sinister on the sixth floor that results in blood pouring down into the basin periodically, and he's stressed out of his mind wondering who the hell is doing that and how he's supposed to avoid getting caught and/or killed by them.

(He notes that the "KEEP SHOUTING" sign was his attempt to get intruders to at least give themselves away by making noise, after they were clearly ignoring the "KEEP OUT" sign he put up.)

Looseleaf also takes the time to ask if Arnie here knows anything about someone named Choss.

Arnie: He looks surprised. "You know Choss?" Looseleaf: "Let's say that Choss is a figure of importance in this investigation." "Anything you could tell us about how they arrived in town and what they did in town would be appreciated." Arnie: He shrugs. "Choss was there before I was- she's a real weirdo." "Knows how to party, but- gotta say, her stuff's a little too strong for me." "A crazy high at first, but it gets- whoof, intense." Looseleaf: "She's an apothecary of some kind?" Arnie: He laughs. "You could say that. She's got herself a little drug lab in town, always smells like burning. Don't know how she gets away with it- some of that stuff's gotta be illegal." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "And how old is she, approximately?" Arnie: "Eh? She's- hard to tell with lizardfolk, s'not like you can read the wrinkles..." Looseleaf: Ah, of course. Lizardfolk. Saelhen du Fishercrown: yep Arnie: "Seems youngish, though? Party girl through and through." "Just, uh, if she offers you a blend, don't take it unless you're ready to spend the next hour feelin' like fire ants are chewin' their way out of your skin." He shudders a little. Looseleaf: "Hm. Sounds painful." Arnie: "You have no idea," he laughs.

They also inquire about the locked freezer room- and why Arnie would hide out here, in dangerous torture tower, rather than just running off to a city, which is a little weird that he didn't do. Arnie claims there's just groceries in there, and no stolen wine bottles whatsoever, he certainly isn't a thief and he definitely hasn't been lying low out here because if he goes to a city some old pals from Thunderbrush might find him and want him dead, no sir! He would never ever commit a crime, ["wink wink" in hand-signed Thieves' Cant].

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Of course. I can't imagine we have any thieves here." [Nudge nudge.] Looseleaf: "In the meantime, Mr. Zeishus, you mentioned having done something that.. makes going anywhere where you might meet someone from Thunderbrush a dangerous thing?" Arnie: He fidgets. "Uh, well..." "I, I try to leave all that behind me." "You just... don't want to get involved with the ghost dryad mafia. Just a tip."

He drops a little bit of exposition about something that may be coming up- apparently, Thunderbrush used to have these huge skyscraper-sized trees, but they got chopped down in some sort of war or raid a while back, and now the Stumps are ruled by the necromancer ghost dryads of those trees who used the last vestiges of their power to cheat death. Apparently Arnie was strongarmed into doing crimes for various ghost dryad mafiosos and made too many enemies, so he fled to Barley to shake the heat.

Looseleaf also comes to a realization regarding some hints dropped earlier in the townsfolks' tragic backstories:

Looseleaf: (actually, wait, i just realized: choss is probably chitch's daughter, the timelines there line up perfectly and maybe this whole dragonborn business is a total red herring we invented for ourselves) (what the shit, lumiere, you kidnap a guy's daughter and raise them as your own child? that's fucked.)

Looseleaf occupies this Arnie guy by interrogating him about these things, while Saelhen slips downstairs to try to pick the lock to the freezer room.

Eventually, after a bunch of failed rolls and more small talk from Looseleaf to keep Arnie occupied, Saelhen pops open the lock. Inside, she finds a fairly large and frigid room. There are meathooks hanging from the ceiling, empty. There are shelves lining the edges full of frozen food.

And to her right, there's another door- this one out of place with the rest of the construction, made of a strange stone shot through with rivulets of glowing orange. There's a symbol on a stone circle embedded in the door:

Before she checks that out, though, she checks the darkened back of the room- which contains some tubs filled with ice.

And those tubs have corpses in them, with the four-pointed wounds.

It is not especially likely that Arnie had no idea these were here, in a room he claims to use to store groceries and has the key to.

Looseleaf, meanwhile, attempts to read Arnie's spirit to determine his alignment and general intentions. His Deception beats her Insight, but what she does manage to get is...

Arnie is afraid. He is filled to bursting with terror and desperation more intense than you've ever felt from anyone before. And the fear does not seem directed at you.

Meanwhile, Saelhen tries to get that door open. What's the deal with that thing, huh? There's no handle, so... she has the bright idea of slapping her mysterious god icon bracer (the one that when previously slapped against a magic thing opened a pit to infinite bats) against it, see what happens. And I get very excited, because ohohoho, I didn't expect that, I had to think through the ramifications of doing that, and...

...then I work through those ramifications, and what I realize is that, as far as the players would know, the end result is just that the door slides open, and nothing else of note occurs.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Why am I even here I just wanted to help a nice little girl show up her dipshit inquisitor mom now I'm in a pain room investigating pain machines..." Looseleaf: (looseleaf warned you about getting involved in the case, she warned you dog)

There's also a bunch of weird machines, and more of Lumiere's notes, which Saelhen goes and nabs as many of as she can. Then she beats feet immediately, not wanting to spend any longer than necessary in the hell lab. The problem is, she doesn't want to leave any sign she was in there, so...

Saelhen du Fishercrown: Does tapping the exposed bit of stone with the bracer again close the secret hell door? Benedict I. (GM): Nope. Saelhen du Fishercrown: hmm. poking it with her finger? Benedict I. (GM): Ouch. Nope. Saelhen du Fishercrown: physically pulling the stone upwards while muttering "fuck fuck fuck ow ow ow"? Benedict I. (GM): Oh, hm, yeah, that would work. At first there's no effect, but as you continue to pull and the pain gets worse and worse... Roll me a Constitution save. Saelhen du Fishercrown: 16 CONSTITUTION SAVE (3) Benedict I. (GM): That'll do it! Your pain feeds the door, and, satisfied, the mouth closes. Looseleaf: How extremely concerning!

Cool!

So Saelhen goes back upstairs, the party secretly confers and exchanges information, and... something has to be done about Arnie.

His expression changes, suddenly.

Arnie: "You don't know what you're talking about." "This doesn't have to happen."

Looseleaf continues to try to offer help to this guy, inferring that he's being forced to do someone else's dirty work. She rolls a 20 on Persuasion! So... what happens following them cornering and exposing the culprit is not the rolling of initiative. Still, though...

Arnie: Arnie... backs up a step. "You're morons." "You have no idea." "You're talking like you can help me?" "That's impossible. No one can help me." "I- I'm fucking cursed, dammit!" Looseleaf: is he? i have magic sense, he is clearly not actually magically cursed, right Arnie: "What are you clowns going to do about it? Nothing!" "What are you going to do, kill a dragon?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "You are entangled here. If Looseleaf says so, then I trust her intuition and her investigative prowess. This doesn't necessarily mean you're entangled in such a way that there is no way out for you." Saelhen shrugs. "Theoretically, the device on my arm is responsible for drowning a small city in vampiric monsters from beyond the stars. And yet there was a way out of that, and a genuine silver lining into the bargain." "I want you to understand that I am absolutely sincere when I say: There is always a way out." Arnie: "That's- there's no way! There's only one way out!" "He'll free me from the curse if I do what he says, and that's the only way!" Looseleaf: ...That is not how dragon-curses work at all. Benedict I. (GM): Not as far as you're aware, no. Doesn't seem like anyone's told Arnie.

They continue to try to convince him that there's hope, that he doesn't need to do what the dragon says, that they can help him. And Arnie just keeps pushing back, refusing to acknowledge any of it, weeping and shouting and doing whatever he can to avoid believing that he didn't have to do any of that, that there was any other way- because if there was, he'd be a monster, right?

Meanwhile, Vayen... is standing a ways away and staring at them all, as usual... but this time, he's smiling. No one here has ever seen Vayen smile before. He looks like his birthday came early. And as they're on the verge of a breakthrough...

Arnie: "Fucking- you don't think I know that?" "I know that! I know he's manipulating me!" "But what else do I do?" Vayen: "You could kill yourself," Vayen suggests. Looseleaf: "Vayen what the FUCK?" Arnie: "What the fuck- shut up, asshole!" "I'm not dying! Not here, not nowhere!" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...Vayen, you are placing a remarkable number of ticks in the 'leave you at the side of the road' column." Vayen: Vayen shrugs. "It's the most reliable way to neutralize a dragon's curse." "It's the sensible thing to do, if you don't want to cause collateral damage."

It's as though he deliberately picked the one thing to say to ensure that this argument would keep happening, and not reach a friendly resolution. The hell is his problem?

Still, the party keeps trying to talk this guy down.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "And -- Arnie, surely you don't think the dragon would hunt you down? Dragons don't go out of their way to punish us; they just use us to accomplish whatever it is they're planning. He'll make it someone else's problem." "I know the type. Arnie, it wouldn't care enough to hunt you down. What seems like a personal connection, like it caring about you -- if it tries that at all -- it's just an implement. It's a way of getting you to do what it wants. Go to ground effectively, and it won't bother to spare the effort." Arnie: "What are you, talking like some kinda dragonologist? The hell do you know about dragons?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...I am not a dragonologist, no," admits Saelhen. Looseleaf: "...Are you a dragonologist?" Arnie: "Of course it could hunt me down! Damn thing's got magic items out the ass and it flies faster than I can run!" "As soon as it saw me going somewhere it didn't tell me to, I'd get turned into a midnight snack!" "And then I go to ground, and the curse kicks in, and I end up dead or worse anyway. Sounds great." "Or, I stay here, gut a few self-righteous fucks who treated me like dirt for a while, and maybe the thing keeps its end of the bargain and lets me go!"

Yeah, that's a confession, and like, not one that makes him look great. Still, given this guy's weirdly high rolls on physical stuff, and his apparent aptitude for murdering people, they're not super sure they want to fight this guy- on top of just, not exactly wanting to fight this guy.

What are they going to do? They have to come up with a plan- and their plan has to take less than three weeks to pull off, since Arnie only has six corpses left in the bathtubs, and the dragon wants two corpses a week to prove he's still doing the job.

(And is it even worth going to all that trouble just to protect this guy from the consequences of his actions?)

Next time: a plan is hatched, and the party gets back on the road.

[luckyjak]

fic: Midnight Conversations

After sleeping with one another, Caleb and Essek negotiate starting a relationship. Fluff. A03 Link

Inspired directly by this discussion that Essek might be lonely.

This is self-indulgent as fuck, but then again so is most of what I write these days. Rated M for being a little spicy at the beginning, but then it cools off to being mostly fluff and conversation.

Essek woke up first. This wasn’t surprising; elves didn’t need to sleep, barely required rest to begin with, especially when compared to the needs of his sleeping partner. He hadn’t intended on sleeping at all, actually, but last night’s activities had been exhausting in their pleasure, and he had drifted to sleep before he could make a conscious effort to do so.

Caleb was still sleeping soundly. But that wasn’t unexpected, given what Essek knew about humans and their physiological needs. He would have to move quietly and carefully if he wanted to leave the bed without waking him. A more difficult task then it needed to be, really, given the way the human had entangled himself against him. One scrawny pale leg was on top of Essek’s own legs; a surprisingly toned and scarred arm curled over his chest, not really holding him so much as draped loosely like a cloth. On his shoulder rested a wild mane of red-brown curls that had found themselves loosened from the band Caleb usually kept them tied back with; the rest of Caleb’s face was buried on his chest, hooked nose and mouth slightly open, blue eyes peacefully shut.

He was snoring, and drooling, just a little bit. Essek should not have found that as endearing as he did. The whole image was rather adorable.

That was a dangerous thought. He’d already let his fondness for the wizard override his common sense enough for the evening.

Gingerly, he tried to escape Caleb’s embrace. With a care he normally saved for spycraft, he moved Caleb bit by bit, until the wizard was embracing and drooling on the pillow instead of his shoulder, and Essek could sit up straight.

He should have just left then, but a lingering fondness had made him pause to admire his lover--the curve of his shoulder blade, the collection of darkened spots sprayed across his back like stardust, the lips he’d kissed a darkened pink-- and he couldn’t help but brush a stray curl from Caleb’s face.

It’d been enough to wake him, which was entirely the scenario Essek had been trying to avoid. Stupid .

Caleb shifted and groaned, but didn’t open his eyes quite yet. “Going somewhere?” he murmured, his voice sleep-ladled and deep, his accent much thicker than it normally was. A pang of fondness swelled up all the way to Essek’s throat.

“I should go,” he whispered, but he didn’t get up off the bed like he meant to.

Caleb sat up instead, wrapped his arms around his waist and pressing gentle kisses to Essek’s shoulder. “Or you could stay.”

“And do what?” Essek laughed, the scratchiness of the hair on Caleb’s face tickling him slightly. “Watch you sleep? Keep you warm for the night?”

“I wouldn’t complain,” he whispered murmured against his skin, finding a spot on Essek’s neck to bite softly.

He groaned.

He was fucked, just-- absolutely fucked, his fondness for Caleb overwhelming his senses, and he needed to stop this before he spent the next four hours in bed with Caleb again.

“I have work,” he said quietly, which was only slightly a lie, more an excuse to leave the embrace than the truth of the matter. There were things he needed to do, yes, but they could wait, technically. But the longer he stayed in Caleb’s embrace, the harder it would be to leave it. “And you should get some sleep.”

Caleb didn’t let him go; instead, one hand moved from his waist to his thigh, fingers lightly tracing senseless patterns against his skin. “I’m used to getting up in the middle of the night for watch,” he explained, his hand not quite touching Essek where he’d like him to. Close, though. Close enough that Essek’s body was trying to betray him with his own interest. “You could stay,” he kissed his shoulder.  “I could suck you off,” another kiss. “You could finger me again.”

He groaned as Caleb bit his shoulder, his hand fully on his cock now, stroking him lightly like a feather, more of a tease than a commitment.

“I thought this was supposed to be a one-time thing,” he gasped as Caleb continued to play with his cock, sucking a bruise into his shoulder.

That brought the wizard to pause. He let him go, pulling away slightly. “ Oh . Is--is that what you wanted? I thought--”

He didn’t finish his sentence; instead, he pulled away from Essek entirely, and Essek hated the sudden loss of contact, even though he knew it needed to happen. The room felt cold suddenly without Caleb pressed up next to him.

“That we could be lovers?” Essek supplied for him, turning so that he could face the red-head in his bed.

Caleb’s face flushed a most delightful pink color.  “Is that such a terrible thought?”

“No,” Essek couldn’t stop himself from leaning over and kissing Caleb, angry at himself for upsetting him, missing the warmth of his body. “No, I--I like you, Caleb.”

It was true, and it was the problem. What began as purely sexual attraction had become genuine interest sparked over time. A shared interest in the arcane had with time turned into friendship, of which Essek had very little experience, mixed with the sexual attraction that had led to this sudden increasing need to be with Caleb, to know him in a way he wasn’t interested in knowing the other members of the Mighty Nein. Physically, yes, but also intellectually and socially.

It was dangerous, to want something so much.

One kiss became two, became three and then four, Caleb’s arms wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him closer until Essek was laying down again, his body flushed with Caleb’s own.

“I like you, too,” Caleb pulled away from the kissing. “So why would you want this to be a one-time thing?”

Essek laughed gently, a chuckle that came deep from his throat. “You’re handsome, and sweet, and very intelligent, and great in bed,” he kissed him again, a quick peck that came with a loud smack of lips. “I just don’t know that you are worth losing my job over.”

Which was, really, the heart of Essek’s entire dilemma with Caleb.

“Why would you lose your job?” Caleb asked, confused, sitting up in bed again. Once again the loss of physical contact left Essek cold in his own skin. “We’re allies of the Dynasty.”

“You are a human from the Empire ,” Essek explained, a bit surprised that Caleb wasn’t putting two and two together. He was smarter than this. “I don’t think the Bright Queen would be pleased to know her Shadowhand was being courted by a human, do you?”

Surely he knew. He was human, for the Luxon’s sake, and he’d lived here for months now. He had to know how others treated him, and how they’d treat Essek if they knew how much he cared about him.

Caleb’s face was flushed again. “We’re heroes of the Dynasty! We’ve brought you not one but two of the Beacons! And you think she’d still disapprove of me?”

“Would she personally disapprove? I’m not sure. It’s more about appearances, I’d think,” he frowned looking over at Caleb with a thoughtful expression on his face. “We’re at war. People would talk.”

You’re not stupid, he wanted to tell Caleb, but he didn’t. Instead, he let Caleb have a moment to think.

The human sat up fully now, his legs crossed on the bed, completely unashamed of his nakedness. He reached out and grabbed Essek’s hands, squeezing them gently, the contact like a bolt of lightning struck to Essek’s heart. “Just because we are together doesn’t mean the Bright Queen has to know. I can keep a secret. Can’t you? Do you mean to tell me the Shadowhand of the Bright Queen can’t keep a relationship a secret?”

He leaned forward and kissed him again, just a soft peck of lips against his own, and Essek frowned into the kiss. “What you are suggesting borders on treasonous.”

Essek had no secrets that the Queen didn’t know. She knew about his legs that didn’t work, that he hid with dunamantic magic; she knew about his deadbeat father and absent mother and uncle who taught him magic he wasn’t supposed to. She knew about the life and name he had abandoned when Den Thelyss offered to adopt him. She knew all of Essek’s secrets: Caleb only knew part of them, and he was the only other person alive that Essek was close to. Telling the Queen secrets was his job ; normally he found out everyone else’s secrets and then told them to her. The idea that he might intentionally hide something from her seemed to go against everything he’d spent the last fifty years building.

“Is it?” Caleb asked, his tone genuine, which was the only reason Essek didn’t blow him off entirely. “You serve your queen admirably, but you are allowed to have a life outside of your job, you know. That includes a relationship. I agree it may need to be a secret, but that doesn’t mean it can’t exist,” he brushed his hand against Essek’s shoulder. “I’m sure even the Bright Queen would agree.”

“I have a life outside of my job!” Essek argued weakly, his face flushed a dark purple. Despite his protests, he knew Caleb had a point; he dedicated much of his time to the betterment of the Dynasty. It didn’t leave much time for much else. Even now, he felt a slight ping of guilt for neglecting his duty for as long as he had to spend time with Caleb.

Caleb’s point still stood, however. It didn’t happen often, but the Bright Queen did occasionally force him to take a day off, telling him that he was wasting his youth away by overworking. It wasn’t unreasonable to think that she might be willing to turn a blind eye to his dealings with Caleb; perhaps she already suspected they were closer than they should be for a ward and a liason.

His wizard seemed disinclined to argue, choosing instead to kiss him again, a little deeper this time.

“All I’m saying is, I think your job won’t be in jeopardy so long as we are careful about not making a public nuisance of ourselves,” Caleb explained, a soft smile on his lips. “Besides,” he added, kissing Essek again. “If the Bright Queen is bigoted enough to fire you for dating a human, that just means you’ll just have to come join the Mighty Nein instead.”

Essek snorted, undignified. “Are you serious?”

"Why not?" Caleb laughed. "We like you. We've let people we like a lot less than you into the Nein, I promise." His hands brushed up against Essek's shoulders, caressing the drow carefully. "I'd get you kiss you a lot more often, certainly."

For a moment, he tried to imagine what that would be like. Travelling around with the most chaotic yet entertaining people he knew. Fighting monsters and dragons and Luxon-knew what else. Dealing with Jester for hours at a time. Not having any privacy whatsoever. Running from the law or accidentally becoming pirates or whatever other crazed scenario the Nein found themselves in.

And yet: having constant and steady companionship. People who cared about him and would watch his back. People who would make him laugh just for fun. Fighting side by side with his brothers and sisters in arms. Being able to kiss Caleb whenever he felt like it. Getting to hang out with Jester for hours at a time. Having control over his own destiny.

There were...perks to what Caleb was suggesting, certainly.

“I suppose I’ve had worse job offers.” He murmured, and kissed Caleb again, because he could. It wasn't ideal--he would prefer to remain Shadowhand, of course-- but compared to what he was originally thinking, it was an appealing thought. “A secret dalliance, then,” he brushed Caleb’s hair out his face, a mirror of what he had done earlier to wake him up at the start of this conversation. “A relationship.”

There was an unfamiliar and dizzying sense of glee in stomach, one that made him smile despite himself.

He wasn’t the only one; Caleb’s smile was as radiant as the light itself, and it made that vault of glee swell even further. “You’ll stay, then?”

“I suppose I must,” he teased, pushing Caleb gently back onto his back. “My boyfriend seems to need attention.”

Boyfriend. It sounded so--so juvenile , and yet the word had caused Caleb to grab him and shove him onto his back and kiss him so thoroughly that the thought of doing anything else for the next four hour seemed incomprehensible.

[cirvat]

Writober- Freeze

Sophie’s heart had been frozen for a very long time.

The story is old and tired. It involved a witch offended at something her deadbeat dad had said and instead of punishing him she cursed his unborn child. A child that he hadn’t known about and when he had found out he skipped town without a backwards glance.

She didn’t really understand why the witch had cursed the baby and not the man but perhaps she wasn’t meant to.

At least it benefited her when her mother died suddenly in her sleep and she was unceremoniously tossed into the foster system. Not feeling extreme emotion, and sometimes she wondered if she felt emotion at all, probably kept away abandonment traumas.

That was fantastic for her due to how often she bounced between foster homes. Whether it was the uneasiness the adults got at her completely stone expression or the baffled medical bills that came with not technically having a pulse, she had traded hands so often she was waiting for repeat homes at this point.

Needless to say, Sophie spent a lot of time out of the house. She spent her free time wandering the streets. She has a complete mental map pf almost every town, city, or village she’s stayed in. When she was younger, she would draw out her maps in a battered notebook she’d bought for fifty cents at a back-to-school sale. She’s started memorizing them when a foster sibling threw the notebook in a bonfire one summer trying to get a rise out of her. She’d been seven at the time.

Sophie shook herself out of her thoughts when the door beside her opened with a gentle tinkle of a bell. She turned away from the storefront window and the garish dress on display to watch a woman flee to her car. The umbrella over her head did very little to keep her dry.

Sophie tugged her eye-watering yellow coat’s hood further over her head before moving on to the next store. So far, she’d counted a kid’s fashion boutique, a mom and pop grocery mart, and a dress shop lining the town’s main street. The next shop was available for rent, the walls inside sterile white. She peered inside anyway, taking in the front room’s and made her head tilt like a bird.

She blinked when a clear whistle overshadowed the sound of rain and wind. Her eyes tracked the sound to the mouth of an alleyway. Without a second of hesitation she walked to the mouth of the alley and peeking around the corner.

At the very end of the alley was a solid brown door with a lower case ‘g’ burned into the wood. Beside the door was a small window that was completely covered in a neon sign that read ‘Open’ in a drifty cursive front. The neon slowly shifted from pink to blue to emerald.

Sophie glanced around the street before starting toward the door. She found that the door knob twisted easily under her hand.

The room she walked into was unlike anything she had ever seen outside of the odd antique shop.

The left side of the place was a wall-to-wall display of different sweets, sugars, and candy that looked like it would be more at home in a tourist candy shop. The very top shelf was a glass case full of fancy boxes. The aisles, all chest high and stuffed full, contained anything and everything with no rhyme or reason to the order of the items that Sophie could tell. The right and back walls were covering in painting that she noticed after a moment were shifting and changing.

She was so enthralled in the paintings that she hadn’t noticed anyone behind her until the sound of a throat clearing had her flinching to the side. The man gazing at her looked sturdy, as if he were built to lean against. His long black hair was tied up in a messy bun exposing all of the scars on his face and neck.

“Welcome to our shop,” he mumbled as he brushed passed her.

The door shut with a snap.

“If you have any questions feel free to ask or forever burn with not knowing.” He walked a practiced path through the shelves and placed two plastic bags on the back counter.

“Why would not knowing burn?” Sophie stayed dripping on the welcome mat. After a second she realized the man wasn’t even damp.

“With a question like that you’ll be wanting to speak to the wizard.” He sighed and disappeared around a corner. She heard a distant shout as if made a few rooms away but the man returned quickly with someone behind him.

The new person took one look at her and frowned with a hiss. “Oh, what an unfortunate predicament you have there.”

“What do you mean?” Sophie wondered if they meant her soaked coat.

“How long has that heart of yours been frozen?” They walked in great strides over to her.

“Since I was born.” Sophie saw no reason to lie.

“Oh my.” They stood a few feet away from her. Their roved over her from head to toe. “I’m not sure I can help with what I have right now. Even if I did, the issue of payment would be another hurdle.”

“What is there to help?” She blinked. “I haven’t heard of many curses that could be broken.”

“All curses can be broken, my dear.” The wizard reached out and patted the air above her shoulder. “It’s just a matter of how much effort you put into it.”

“Why put in any effort at all? You don’t know me.”

“You want to be free.” They smiled at her.

“I don’t want.” Sophie thought for a moment. “Or, rather, I can’t want.”

“You want. You wouldn’t be here of you didn’t.” They turned toward the back with a welcoming wave. “My name is Wizard Graham. What is yours if I may ask?”

“Sophie.”

“Well, come along, Ms. Sophie. Let’s discuss what we need to do.”

She stepped into the shop.

[theadventurezone]

On The Adventure Zone Graphic Novel, Blue Taako, and Representation

 Yesterday, we revealed some pages for our graphic novel adaptation of the first Adventure Zone arc, and received some criticism of the direction we went with for Taako’s coloring. This artwork reveal came some months after the first reveal of some of our characters, for which we also received criticism of our three leads, all of whom were white in these initial designs. Us and the graphic novel team realized that, yes, that is extremely bad, went back to the drawing board, and had several long discussions about how to best rectify this situation, resulting in the artwork revealed yesterday.

More or less all of the criticism we’ve received centers on Taako, whose skin is a pale blue color in these designs. What we’ve heard most is disappointment that Taako is not realized in these pages as a person of color — or, to be more specific, a Latinx or explicitly Mexican character. There was concern we had failed to follow through on an opportunity to get better representation for Latinx listeners, instead opting to take a safe route, and make Taako a fantasy color without any kind of real-world connection. Much of the criticism also focuses on how that color (or, to be more specific, green skin) has anti-semitic connotations.

This conversation was happening in certain corners of our fandom long before the graphic novel art reveal took place yesterday. We’ve heard criticism from some folks over our policy of not having canonical visual representations of any of our characters — a policy that has resulted in a genuinely humbling ocean of fan art, but also some instances of in-fighting between members of the community who take umbrage with one another’s disparate interpretations of these characters. Another criticism of that policy is that it inherently does not foster good representation, and in fact represents a noncommittal way of handling racial representation on this show.

Here’s the truth of the matter: I think all of this comes from this underlying friction between where The Adventure Zone and us, its creators, were when we started doing the podcast, and where we, the show, and you, the community, are at now. 

Justin once described the show as a “car that learned how to fly,” which I think is an accurate way of describing this friction.

When we started, we did not consider the fact that folks would relate to these characters, or would care about what they looked like, or if they looked like them, or anything along those lines. We did not prioritize representation because we did not even think of it as being something we would need to prioritize. Part of that I can lay at the feet of the fact that The Adventure Zone started as a one-off filler episode of MBMBaM that we published while Justin was on paternity leave — we didn’t have that conversation because we didn’t think this show would be a show. But the larger reason is that the four of us are all white dudes, and have never had to think about our representation in media our entire lives.

I don’t take that shortcoming lightly, and I don’t expect anyone else to, either. There are so many things I would change if I could start over — some narrative loopholes, some shitty and thoughtless tropes — but this would be the largest one. If we had known what this show would become, we would have been more thoughtful about representation when we first made these characters. Instead, we didn’t consider what they would look like beyond what it said on these pre-rolled character sheets. We didn’t consider race beyond deciding whether Halflings, Elves, Tieflings or Dwarves possessed the best passive abilities.

Doing this show has educated all of us about representation, and clearly, we’re still not great at it. But starting out, it wasn’t even an afterthought — it just wasn’t a thought, because we didn’t know it was a thing to think about. Now we know, and the difficulties involved with reconciling where we started with what we now know are, simply put, monumental. 

Justin named his character Taako, the joke being that this name sounds like “taco,” and that he would be pursuing a quest to invent tacos in this fantasy world. Justin thought of this name as a big and goofy joke several minutes before we started recording. The weight of that naming decision — that the decision could even have weight — did not enter his mind. This was a goofy one-off episode. He named his wizard Taako for the same reason that I named my Dwarven Cleric in the one-off D&D videos I’ve done at Polygon “Crag T’Nelson.”

Knowing the strife it’s caused, Justin wouldn’t have named this character Taako. In his own words:

“It was, in actuality, a dumb thing to do, compounded by the spur of the moment joke that Taako’s quest was to invent the taco. That was stupid, because the taco was invented by Mexican silver miners and not a wizard who, in the first episode, I claim hailed from “New Elfington.

“It was a spur of the moment goof, but one that I’ve felt consistently guilty about, on some level, for years. I never intended to be dismissive of a group, or a heritage, but that’s exactly what I did.”

This is the position we are in now, and have been in since the show started, and it is irreconcilable because of the decisions we made when we started doing this show: There are listeners and fans who want us to, in pursuit of better representation, make Taako a canonically Latinx or Mexican character. The result of that decision would be that Justin had made a Mexican character that he named after tacos, whose quest was to make a taco, and who spent the first half of the campaign stealing everything that wasn’t nailed to the ground.

That’s an oversimplified way of describing this inherently complicated problem. We have listeners who have no problem with Taako being a Mexican character named after tacos, as created by a white man. We have listeners who do have issues with that interpretation, and I can only imagine how a decision like that would read to someone who just picked this graphic novel up off a shelf at their local shop. We feel immensely uncomfortable with the idea of retroactively declaring Taako a member of any particular real-world group without factoring in that identity at all points while playing the game, viewing each action taken through a lens that has to be the first and last thing we would consider.

This was the stuff we and the graphic novel team considered while weighing the character designs, and deliberations were fucking tough. Where we landed was that, since Merle was canonically a Beach Dwarf, it made all kinds of sense for him to have darker skin. After wrestling with the above considerations, we landed on a look that felt right for Taako, which was based on a look that had started to become more popular among the fan art community for the show, in which he was drawn with green skin.

This was a while ago, and before the pushback against green Taako really kicked off. The historical basis for these claims are kind of speculative, but we took them seriously, and, in an effort to avoid running foul of them, went with more of a pale blue hue.

Yesterday, we learned there’s a High Elf variant in the PHB — which, clearly, we didn’t read that carefully when we started — called the Moon Elf that has those features. There’s also a Sun Elf variant that has “bronze skin and hair of copper, black, or golden blond,” which we also didn’t know about. (Though we’ve gotten lots of criticism saying that Taako’s original pre-made character sheet said he was a Sun Elf, and that we willfully ignored that canon aspect of his character, none of which is remotely true.)

Yesterday, after all this went down, we were all on the phone for hours, trying to figure out what to do. Our original line of thinking hadn’t changed: Making Taako Latinx means that Justin would have made a Mexican wizard that he named after tacos — which, from our perspective, isn’t great — who he then played without any consideration for the cultural ramifications of that identity. We got in the weeds a bit: Could we just make him a Sun Elf, and make him look closer to what the folks who are leveraging these criticisms want him to look, without addressing the specific real-world cultural identity that they want him to fill? Or is that a chicken shit half measure, and would do more harm than good?

That’s where we’re at today. There’s not an easy solution. There just isn’t. We have fans who want us to do better, to have more diversity in the three main characters of this book. But those characters were created and played by white people who didn’t consider the ramifications of their every action when viewed through a specific cultural lens while playing. Yesterday, we heard from folks who said it was problematic that we made Merle brown, considering that he has a backstory where he was, more or less, a deadbeat dad. That’s a harsh boiling down of the character, but the criticism absolutely has merit. We didn’t think of that when we decided on Merle’s new design. But it’s kind of exactly what I’m talking about here: If the Taako in this graphic novel had dark skin, how many similar criticisms could be laid at his feet? If we gave Magnus dark skin, and then he spent the campaign being the more physical, more aggressive, less intellectual member of his team, there are issues there, too. Is any of that good representation? 

I’m not pitching these possibilities to be snide — I genuinely am not. But these are the things we’ve been struggling with since we decided to do this graphic novel. Our policy hasn’t changed — we still don’t consider any visual representations of these characters to be canon, and never will — but we also understand that this an insufficient way of responding to these criticisms.

The solution the whole team landed on for this graphic novel is imperfect. It has disappointed some people, and it is going to continue to disappoint some people. But there is no non-disappointing solution. And that’s not First Second’s fault, and it certainly isn’t Carey’s fault. It is completely because of the rock and a hard place that we’re positioned between, and all because of our failure to establish a solid foundation for these characters and their identities when we started this show. And for that, we’re so, earnestly, deeply sorry.

We’ve all felt fucking miserable since all of this happened yesterday, and not because of the criticism coming in, but because the folks offering that criticism feel unheard, ignored and hurt. I promise you, we did not ignore that criticism — we tried to do our best in a scenario without a perfect solution. That does not change the fact that this show is what it is because of the feedback our listeners have given us, full stop. It has made this project better, and us better, and all I can promise is that we’ll keep trying our hardest to do, and be, better.

[wbwest]

New Post has been published on WilliamBruceWest.com

New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/08/18/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-81817/

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 8/18/17

  I swear, as much as I love pop culture, some weeks it’s just really hard to pay attention to that stuff with everything going on in the world. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know about everything that went down in Charlottesville last weekend. I don’t need to recap it, but I’ve got to tell you that I’m scared. Yeah, we’re supposed to stand up to the Nazis and #Resist and all that, but I can still be scared, can’t I? I’ve got to raise a kid in the world. I don’t know how to explain shit that I don’t even understand. We really judge people because of their color? It’s like the Chris Rock joke about VCRs and girls who don’t perform oral sex: “They still make you?” It’s crazy to me, and I tended to just go through life without really thinking too much about it. I had that luxury, and I knew it was a luxury. Part of what made it great was that these folks that are loud and proud used to just be keyboard warriors in their moms’ basements. But they’ve come out of the basements, y’all, and this shit is REAL.

About two years ago, I was driving us all home from the airport. I get to an intersection for a left turn, and the guy behind me keeps honking for me to go, even though he couldn’t really see that I saw cars coming. Eventually, he just speeds around me, and we end up next to each other at the next light. I see him mouthing something at me, so I roll down my window. Then he proceeds to ramble off a bunch of stuff, but what stood out most in my mind was him calling me a nigger. Oh, and my wife a bitch. But mainly him calling me a nigger several times. And it all went black for me.

I seem to remember calling him an asshole, because racial scientists have yet to discover the perfect counter to being called a nigger. White folks are like Teflon when it comes to slurs, as most of the ones about them have lost their effectiveness over the years. And then he challenged me to a fight. Wanted me to pull over into a parking lot. Like I said, I was GONE at this point. Plus, this was the longest red light in history. My daughter started crying in her carseat, and he told me to “go on home and don’t be a deadbeat nigger”, and Lindsay was urging me to just ignore the guy. Engines started revving. The lanes narrowed, and I think I wanted to run him into the median. That was my plan. As Evie’s cries got louder, I realized I had responsibilities and shit, so I let him speed off when the light turned green.

He wasn’t some good ol’ boy redneck. He pretty much looked like a regular White dude with a shaved head. At that point, I didn’t know what the Alt Right was because I hadn’t really heard of Gamergate and all that. But I can say, today, that he was the same type of dude that was down in Charlottesville, and that scares me. It scares me because I don’t like what they’re capable of. But it also scares me because I don’t like what they’re capable of making me do. Bad shit all the way around. Who’s to blame? Well, you be the judge of that. Some of you are still fooling yourselves, but you know exactly how we got here, and didn’t even stop think of what the ramifications would be. Fuck it all, ’cause “emails”, right? Anyway, here we are. Question I have for you is how are we gonna get out of here? And are you part of the solution or part of the problem?

Whew! OK. So, who’s ready for some pop culture ramblings, huh? Huh? Yeah, let’s get to that.

  In a pretty big deal, Netflix acquired comic creator Mark Millar’s Millarworld comic imprint. You know, he’s the guy behind Wanted, and Kick-Ass, and Kingsman. Oh, what’s that? No, those properties aren’t part of this deal. Still, he’s quite the prolific writer (so prolific, in fact, that I’m not convinced he’s the one actually writing all this stuff, but I digress…), so there’s a lot of material to pull from. There’s Nemesis, which is basically evil Batman who dresses like a Klansman. There’s Superior, which is basically just Millar’s riff on the Shazam story. There’s Super Crooks, which is about, well, super crooks. I know I sound sarcastic and all, but I actually did enjoy all of these series. They may not have been the most original things I’ve read, but he’s found what works for him, so more power to him.

To me, the real winner here is Netflix, as they basically acquired a comic “company” without any of the hassle. You see, Millarworld isn’t a publisher like Marvel or DC. No, it’s an imprint, which is just a fancy branding tactic to let you know that all the stories spring forth from the same voice. Millarworld comics are currently published by both Marvel and Image. As an imprint, all of the heavy lifting is done by the actual publisher. So, Netflix gets the intellectual property without having to worry about comic shipping schedules, retailer outreach, or anything else that publishers should be doing. With this deal, they essentially get to have their cake and eat it, too. Part of me is scared that Netflix is being a bit too aggressive in the marketplace, and can’t sustain this level of success, but what do I know? It’ll be interesting to see what they end up doing with all of this.

Speaking of big deals, Shonda Rhimes – creator of the hits Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal – has signed a multiyear production deal with Netflix, moving her Shondaland production house from ABC. Her ABC contract was set to expire in May 2018, but word on the street is that she negotiated an early exit. A lot of folks are wondering what this means, especially for ABC, which had built the Thursday night TGIT lineup around Rhimes’s shows. It could be good, and it could be bad. For all of her success (the aforementioned shows), she’s also had some misses, including Off The Map, The Catch, and Still Star-Crossed. And for all the buzz surrounding its star, How to Get Away With Murder struggles to find the audience that Grey’s and Scandal have attracted.

There’s no doubt Rhimes is a powerhouse producer, but I think this move came at the right time, as TGIT was starting to get stale. Grey’s is on season 13, but could continue as long as Ellen Pompeo wants work. Meanwhile, Scandal ends this season, and I really don’t know how much more rope they’re gonna give Murder. I’m sure ABC would love to retool the night, without having to cater to one producer, so this will give them a lot more options. There were some potentially difficult decisions on the horizon that can now be avoided since Rhimes took an early out. As for what she’ll do for Netflix, we’re really just gonna have to wait and see.

So get this: apparently some lawyer bought the rights to My Cousin Vinny just so he could release Back to Brooklyn, a novel that follows the characters 25 years later. Now, I’ve never seen the movie in its entirety, but it’s certainly not one that ended with me wondering what happened to them next. According to the synopsis, not much. According to Deadline:

In the update, Vinny is working on a new murder case. This time, it’s set in his native Brooklyn. But domestic issues still plague him – he hasn’t married Lisa, and his career as an attorney really hasn’t taken wing, despite the Alabama triumph, leading to financial problems. Finally, he is hired to help a woman accused of killing her boyfriend, whose brother is the deputy mayor of New York City.

“Taken wing”? I’ve never heard that before. Is that like “Taking flight“? Anyway, that sounds boring as shit. This reboot/revival industry has really gotten out of hand, and this just takes the cake. I can tell you one thing about it without even reading it, though: 25 years later and Marisa Tomei is still a total smokeshow.

Not only has Chrisley Knows Best been renewed for a 6th sesaon, but it also scored an aftershow, According to Chrisley. Hey, at least it’s not another Hardwick talker! From the description, it’s really just a late night version of a daytime talk show, as Todd Chrisley will interact with the audience and give advice on marriage, parenting, and sex. Yup, good ol’ vaginal intercourse. I’m sure Todd knows TONS about that��

They say the third time’s the charm, and that’s exactly how many times they’ve now tried to make How I Met Your Father happen. This time, the show is being developed by Alison Bennett from a show that I love, FXX’s You’re The Worst. So, tonally, don’t look for the kind of humor you’re used to from HIMYM.

In the world of comics, Wizard: The Guide to Comics is returning in the form of WizPop, which will be yet another pop culture website in a crowded pool of pop culture websites. They say that a quarterly print version will follow at some point in the future, but I really don’t see that getting off the ground in today’s print marketplace. Apparently, WizPop will be a “digital daily video news service”, and I hate videos, so this already isn’t for me. I feel a lot of folks film shit that would’ve been more compelling written. Plus, I’m sure they’ll find some hot girl, get her to talk about Pokémon once a week, and expect the clicks to roll in.

The editor in chief of this project is Brian Walton, formerly of Nerdist, so I’m sure he knows his shit. The associate editor, however, is Luke Y. Thompson, who’ll I’ll always refer to as “the guy who killed Topless Robot”. Back in the early ’00s you wanted to have the popularity of 2 major sites: Topless Robot and X-Entertainment. Rob and Matt ruled the geek set, and when Rob left Topless Robot – a brand he had built – it really should’ve ended. Instead, Thompson came along and simply didn’t have feet big enough to fill the shoes he’d been left. I remember when the call went out for a new editor for that site, and I considered it briefly, but thought to myself “Nobody knows me, and it’s not like I have that big of a following”. Then they chose Thompson, whom I’d only heard of here and there, and who had basically the same amount of social media followers that I did. Son of a bitch! Anyway, I’m probably being too hard on the guy. I can say with certainty that I wouldn’t have fared any better than he did, as there just wasn’t, nor should there have been, a Topless Robot without Rob Bricken. Can’t begrudge a dude for needing to work, but I really don’t know what Thompson or Walton can bring to the Wizard brand to set it apart from everyone else who’ve already staked a claim to the digital world.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

Everything’s coming up Jetsons, as DC Comics announced a new miniseries, while ABC announced they’ve picked up a pilot from Robert Zemeckis for a live action sitcom. I say this show dies on the vine like the Seth MacFarlane Flintstones reboot, but we’ll see…

The season 7 Suits finale will serve as a backdoor pilot for a spinoff starring Gina Torres, and set in the world of Chicago politics. I really hope it’s called Da Skirts.

Marvel’s Runaways are about to be DOOMED, as the former movie doctor (and Nip/Tuck butt model) Julian McMahon joins the Hulu series as some worthless adult character. Seriously, if you’ve read the book, you know you can’t trust any adults in their orbit.

Fringe‘s Kirk Acevedo has been cast as “Ricardo Diaz” next season on Arrow, who will be the Arrowverse adaptation of DC Comics martial artist Richard Dragon.

Unwillingly to let a little broken neck stop him (um, spoiler alert?), David Tennant will reprise his role as The Purple Man in season 2 of Jessica Jones.

If you’re looking for conversation fodder for when you talk to your grandma, you should probably know that Daphne Oz, daughter of the Dr, is leaving The Chew. Like I said, your grandma will have something to say about it.

If you’re a 15 year old girl and you stumbled across this site because you found me in one of your chat rooms, then you’ll want to know that the Teen Wolf 100th episode/series finale will air September 24th. No word if Michael J. Fox or Jason Bateman will make a cameo. Oh, you don’t know who they are? Fuckin’ Generation Z, man…

Paul Scheer will now spearhead the Amazon adaptation of Galaxy Quest, which can only mean one thing: Rob Huebel is gonna be the commander. Mark my words!

Lost executive producer/co-showrunner Carlton Cuse just inked an overall production deal with ABC. Spoiler alert: all the characters in all of the upcoming shows have been dead the whole time.

Michael Douglas is in talks to star in a Netflix sitcom created by Chuck Lorre, which means everyone will “hate” it but it’ll still be the highest rated comedy on the streaming service. I mean, Lorre is KING of the Guilty Pleasure.

NBC announced that there have been “talks” of a Frasier revival, though they aren’t sure if the creators want to do it without co-creator David Angell, who died in the September 11th attacks.

Not to be outdone, Fox announced that they’ve been in talks with Mike Judge to bring back King of the Hell. While I’d love to know how Hank Hill would regard Trump’s America, I feel the original run of that show is nearly perfect and wouldn’t want a lackluster follow-up like Futurama 2.0.

Bad Boys 3 is clearly never happening, so it just lost its release date to Will Ferrell & John C. Reilly’s Holmes & Watson, hitting theaters November 9th, 2018.

Nia Vardalos, of My Big Fat Greek Wedding fame, is developing Suburbs Famous, a TV series loosely inspired by the Chewbacca Mom thing. I’m not sure what to call it. It wasn’t a phenomenon. It was just a thing.

Hold onto your butts, children of the 80s, as there’s a reboot of The Two Coreys masterpiece License to Drive. This time it’ll be a female-led ensemble, being called a “female version of Superbad“. Um, OK.

You know that coworker who clearly hates his job, and really doesn’t go out of his way to make you think otherwise? That’s Daniel Craig with the James Bond franchise and, as much as he claims to hate it, it’s a job, so he’ll be back in the next installment.

Get your towels, fangirls (and fanboys, if that’s your thing), ’cause Star-Lord is back on the market! After 8 years of marriage, Chris Pratt and Anna Faris announced their separation. He’ll get custody of the family’s successful movie career, while she gets the car and her job on Mom.

I thought this was pretty clever

In a rebranding move, Chuck E. Cheese’s is getting rid of the animatronic band that we all grew up being terrified of. But fear not, as the chain will still base their image around a rat serving you pizza, so if that ain’t classy, I don’t know what is!

This week I joined my good pal Classick for another round of the Classick Team-Up Podcast. This was my first show with his new cohost, Amber, and I think we all gelled really well together. You should definitely give it a listen, but listener discretion is advised!

To say that the new DuckTales is good would be an understatement. In fact, it might be too good. Like everyone else, I’m beginning to tire of all of Hollywood dusting off old properties for new money, so I was a bit apprehensive about a DuckTales reboot. I mean, Disney had come a long way since then, so did they really need to return to that well? I grew up with the Disney Afternoon, so I know some DuckTales. It was never my favorite show or anything, but I enjoyed watching it. Even saw the movie in theaters. I would’ve been more intrigued by a Darkwing Duck or, believe it or not, a Goof Troop reboot, but I was willing to return to Duckburg to check things out.

As the news started trickling out about the reboot, I began to get a bit more interested. The character designs were updated, yet faithful to the original. And the cast! They could’ve just gone with some unknown voice actors, but instead they went for Purple Man David Tennant, and SNL guys Bobby Moynihan and Beck Bennett. Hell, they even got Community‘s Danny Pudi in the mix. Even if the show sucked, it wouldn’t be due to the folks behind the mic. Then they announced that the show would premiere on 8/12, and air for 24 hours. And for 24 hours did it run!

I actually didn’t get to watch it until the marathon was over, but when it was over, I couldn’t believe what I had seen. It was great. I was surprised that Huey, Dewey, and Louie actually had personalities now. That’s something I don’t remember being true about the original show. I liked the personality upgrade that Webby received, and I now find her more endearing than annoying. There’s clearly a story behind the new Mrs. Beakley, as she’s not just some doddering housekeeper anymore. And Donald’s even featured this time! There were a ton of Easter eggs referencing the old show, including shout outs to Cape Suzette (Tale Spin) and St. Canard (Darkwing Duck). Hell, they even had Roxanne from A Goofy Movie in it. What’s not to love?

If I had any squabble at all, it’s that I kinda wish Donald had subtitles. I know that’s part of his gimmick, but during the first half hour, for whatever reason, I found him downright incomprehensible. It didn’t seem as bad during the second half hour, so I don’t know what the difference was.

Anyway, the series properly debuts with new episodes on September 23rd, and I think I found my new favorite Saturday cartoon. If you didn’t see it, you should definitely check it out. It might not be your speed, but you can’t help but marvel at what they accomplished. That’s why DuckTales had the West Week Ever.

Oh yeah, I’m still trying to make Sarahah happen, so leave me some comments!

[egregiousmeme]

The reason we don't want a green or white taako is because we want representation, and we don't want anti-semitic characters. They Mcelroys want poc to speak up if they think they are doing something wrong. So they did and we are working for a better result. White and green taakos arent good because the character is coded otherwise and green is awfully horrible against what taako is coded as: jewish. And mexican.

(Sorry for the super late reply, I just needed to make sure I did my homework on this one, and I a few other things to attend to. But if you don’t believe me I implore you to do your research and tell me your findings. I would love to have an intellectual discussion on this matter! Thanks for the wait!)

Okay so I will say this: representation is important. It is very important.Undoubtedly so.

But there already is such great representation of poc with Lucretia,Kravitz, and Angus (as well as many others!) all being smart and intellectualpeople who are adored by nearly everyone in terms of popularity. It warms myheart to see this. So representation is there (at the very least more so thanother not so great places I’ve seen in other fandoms) and poc are not invisible.

People of color are people through and through and deserve their time toshine. Period.

I am all for supporting poc and I honestly like the sun taako design. I’vesaid it and you read it (I’m pretty sure). One reason I am held back by thewhole proposal is this quote in the mcelroy’s post talking about the problem:

“ Yesterday, we heard from folks who said it was problematic that we madeMerle brown, considering that he has a backstory where he was, more or less, adeadbeat dad. That’s a harsh boiling down of the character, but the criticismabsolutely has merit. We didn’t think of that when we decided on Merle’s newdesign. But it’s kind of exactly what I’m talking about here: If the Taako inthis graphic novel had dark skin, how many similar criticisms could be laid athis feet? If we gave Magnus dark skin, and then he spent the campaign being themore physical, more aggressive, less intellectual member of his team, there areissues there, too. Is any of that good representation? ”

I’m not sure if Taako is good representation. Because, despite hischarming attitude and character quirks, he’s not a great person moral-wise. Theway to fix this? Just promote the idea that Taako specifically will not bebutchered and shaped into a stereotypical thieving dark skinned dude. Get people to accept that those character traits are not because of his dark skin tone, but because of the character by itself. Because stuff like that happened to Merle (which I just flat-out don’t agree with at all, he’sthe very definition of a peacemaker and should not be boiled own to “blackdeadbeat dad” but, okay.) will also happen to Taako. I don’t want that to happen. I don’twant people to twist it even more to harm those that are trying to findrepresentation in characters they relate to. That’s just fucked, I think we can agree on that much.

While I do not prefer to have a white Taako for the non-canonical comic (more aesthetically than anything),I don’t hunt down people that draw him as such or put hastily slapped on labels for people who are just drawing something that they love. Just as I don’t hunt down people for any other design they desire to draw. That’s just pathetic to harass people like that. Let people draw him how they want to draw him, and if you don’t like it then you don’t have to reblog or spread it to others, it’s just that simple.

But let’s hop onto the far hotter topic of the green and blue skin colors, shall we?

Green skin is anti-semitic, right? Well not by itself, no.

Unlike some of the more prominent racial propaganda depicting races throughout history (such as yellow peril, blackface, and red skin, ect.), green skin was not a widely-known by many, and is not nearly as present in other anti-semitic racial caricature elements as black hair with a beard, hats with a rounded top and/or kippah caps, hooked noses, dark clothing, and are typically depicted in negative light. Here’s a quick google search. The green skin isn’t really found anywhere in these depictions, as they were mostly in black and white to be used in newspapers. The only photo I have found is this image for an anti-semitic nazi propaganda flim, which by the way, was originally in yellow. So the “green skin is anti-semitic” argument is weak at best, and completely unstable at worst when looking at that by itself.  In any case, I do not think the people that draw green Taako are racist, but rather they merely draw inspiration off of other artists that draw him with that skin tone, or draw upon the typical skin color to depict a witch, you know, cuz’ he’s a wizard (I got some more research if you want to argue the witch claim, just hit me up). Heck even some Jewish people like to draw Taako green, that’s when you know the whole thing is rocky.Finally, Taako was never said to be Jewish, not sure what episode you got that from, but if you know, again, please hit me up with the timestamp and everything.

Finally blue.

Blue is ehh. It’s not green, it has no racial connotations, and is a cannon DnD 5e skin tone forthe sub-race of the High Elf– The Moon Elf, just the same as people arguing for the Sun Elf, it has equal ground in that regard to cannon. But all Taako fan designs are cannon, as stated by the fucking guy who plays Taako soooo “cannon” DnD skin tones may mean nothing in the grander scheme of things. But I think blue specifically, wasn’t the point.

The point that the Mcelroys were trying to do by using a fantasy skin coloris the same thing they were doing for their podcast: Not tie Taako down to onerace. No group of people can claim to be a blue race and “have” Taako (just the idea of being possessive over him for racial reasons is a weird just typing it out). Anyway, no one “gets” him. But they didn’t do too great of a job since it stillseemed to be tied too closely to lighter skinned people with the brightness of the blue hue and the fact that the Moon elf is typically depicted as “pale or fair-skinned.” Ruh roh. Okay idea, not great execution.

Personally? I’d change around with the blue hues to make them darker and make up a new sub-race so it isn’t closely related to “white” and is more on the middle of the spectrum. Or just make him Mexican and everyone will have to deal with it. //Shrug

But I guess that it matters very little when you consider people that are protesting for a change in the skin tone actually may be too late. It is conceivable that it is too late in the development process to change the designs. For all we know they have already printed out hundreds of pages when they posted the previews of the new designs. We just don’t know. I certainly hope not, but I can accept it with a grain of salt. I’m not sure others can swallow such a big pill though.

The whole fandom (white and poc both) are trying to come to terms with this situation that we’ve been given. We are all trying to discuss it and see what we can improve upon so there is a better and more diverse representation without harming the ones we are trying to support.

But Justin Mcelroy said that all Taakos are equal, and I am merely following the wishes of a guy that doesn’t want people to bully each other over drawing something they love. Sue me.

[p-artsypants]

Arcadia or Bust (16) Corner of Main and State

"Yeah, so mom…we made it to New Jersey, and we're all safe...but the Heartstone isn't really...impressive. So, we're bringing what we found home. See you soon!" In Which Arcadia welcomes back it's underground citizens, Jim gets used to mundane life as a Troll, and drama seeks them all out like a magnet.

Ao3 | FF.net

I’m rewatching Trollhunters, because it’s been like a year since I watched it, and the more I listen, the less the plot of Wizards makes sense to me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it, but there’s some lore and continuity issues. That being said, I’ll continue to write this story using Trollhunter’s lore primarily, with a sprinkle of Wizards and 3Below lore as I see fit. :)

—

Jim had been through a lot of trauma in his life. At least since becoming the Trollhunter. But nothing was as jarring as looking down to his chest and seeing his ribcage, muscles, and heart beating. 

They had taken the amulet from where it was nestled, and in return, left the gaping hole wide open, oozing with blood, and exposed. Could trolls get infections? Because humans certainly could, and this was just asking for infection. 

He had been lying here alone for a few hours now. It was hard to tell exactly how long in the vast passage of time while drenched in pain. 

When Colonel Kubritz appeared at his side, he wasn’t even surprised. Had he fallen asleep?

“How do you get this to work?” She bit. In her hand, she held the cleaned amulet, and it glowed, aching to be back with him. 

“You can’t. You have to be chosen by it. Even if I die, it will pick someone else. And it might not be you.” 

She slapped him for that, but it looked like it hurt her more than him, by the wince on her face. “Don’t give me that crap. Tell me how to work it!” 

“Just speak the incantation inscribed.”

“We already tried that.”

He shrugged. “That’s all it is.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Teach me to use it, and I’ll let you go home.” 

Jim sighed. It was pointless, but he may as well try. 

—

Claire rang the doorbell at the designated house. 

A surly man opened the door. “Yeah? What do you want? No solicitors! Unless you’re a girl scout…no, you’re too old. Are you with the tamale lady?” 

“Hello sir, I’m not here to sell anything, I actually came to ask about the car you had totaled a few days ago.”

“Are you here to hunt down that devil that flipped my baby?!” He gestured to the smashed in car in the driveway. It looked drivable, but one bump away from death. 

“Not quite...I’m actually here to fix it.” 

“Fix it? You want to fix that? My mechanic couldn’t even fix it! And you want to! What are you, 15?” 

“17, actually.” 

“I doubt you have the experience for this, little lady.” 

“Oh, I’m not a mechanic, I’m a sorceress.” 

“A what now?” 

“Sorceress, a witch! Do I have permission to fix your truck?” 

“Girlie, if you can fix my truck, I’ll owe you a huge favor.” 

“I was hoping you’d say that!” With a little skip, Claire went over to the truck and rested her hands on the hood. “Ad initium redire...” Her hands glowed purple, and pulsed against the metal, making it groan. Then it began to twist and crunch, popping out dents and welding pieces back together. 

The old man stood in shock as his beloved truck knit back together, and when she was done, it was in perfect condition. 

“How did—where did you—?!” He rounded the car, circling it like a vulture. “It’s perfect! You even took out that bump from years ago! You’re a miracle worker, girlie!” 

Claire fell on her butt on the driveway, dizzy and winded. “Glad to help.” 

“You alright?” 

“Just a little winded. I’m still getting used to using magic, especially without a staff. It’s exhausting.” 

“Well why don’t you take a seat up on the porch instead of the road? I’ll get you a beer.” 

“I’m seventeen.” 

“You’ve earned it!” 

Claire chuckled to herself and climbed to her feet. She followed the man up his steps and took a seat on the porch swing while he went inside. 

Only a minute later, he returned with beers in hand. “Here you are darlin’. Summertime ale. I’m partial to dark ale myself, but my neighbor got me this pale ale. It’s pretty good! You have a favorite?” 

Claire took a sip and tried to hide the grimace. “I don’t really get to drink very often, unless it’s a special occasion.” 

“Right right, we’ll keep it our little secret. Now then, I owe you a favor. You just saved me a whole chunk of change and a basket of anxiety. You must have something in mind since you offered?” He suddenly sat up straight. “Oh god, you don’t want my soul do you?” 

Claire snorted. “No no, you can keep your soul! Don’t know what I would do with it anyways...You know the boy that damaged your truck in the first place?” 

“I only saw a glimpse of him, that blue devil? What about him?” 

“He’s actually my boyfriend, and he’s really very sweet and usually not like this. But he was...fed something he shouldn’t have had and it made him go berserk.” 

“Crying shame.” 

“I’ll say! So the army came in and took him away! They wouldn’t listen to us at all!” 

“So what do you want me to do about it?” 

“We are going to run a campaign to get him out. Hopefully, if we get enough attention on the issue, they’ll let him go.” 

“Oh, I gotcha.” 

“So if you could just...spread the truth around town? He’s actually the one that stopped that troll invasion back at the beginning of summer.” 

The man looked surprised at that. “No kidding, that was him? Well, he’s a local hero! He’s been talked about a lot since then! Sure I’ll set the record straight! What’s this kid’s name?”

“Jim Lake Jr.” 

“Got it! Don’t worry, I’ll bring it up at the lodge, and the rotary, and the chess club...”

—

The phone was ringing, he had been successfully patched through. Strickler sat in his office after hours, wanting to make the call as private as possible. 

“Stricklander, I haven’t heard from you since the fall of the Janus order. What reason have you called on me?” 

“Can’t I just call an old friend to catch up?”

“You? No.”

Walt cracked a smile. “Fine. I need a favor.” 

“Changeling to changeling, or school principal to army general?” 

“The latter, actually.” 

The man on the other line laughed. “Color me intrigued.” 

“You know of the human Trollhunter, correct?”

“Just what you wrote in your dossier, a human male, 16 years old, lives in Arcadia Oaks, California, turned half-troll by the wizard Merlin. Responsible for the death of Bular and Gunmar. Quite a remarkable young soul. Is there anything else to know?”

“He’s been captured by the United States Army.”

The man let out half a chuckle. “Captured? What dumb trouble did he get into?”

“His deadbeat father left out some cocaine for the boy to find, he thought it was trash, and ate it.”

Distantly on the other line, there was laughter, a strong bark of laughter that lasted far too long. When he came back, he was calm. “How unfortunate.” 

“He’s a good kid. Why would there be a kilogram of cocaine in the trash anyways? I fail to see the humor in the situation.” 

“Of course. So, I assume, he went on a rampage following his meal, and then attracted the attention of some of us?” 

“So you haven’t heard about it?” 

“Not where I’m stationed. But give me a moment.” The line went silent, only a very distant and quiet tapping of keys on a keyboard being tapped. Then the man returned. “I’m glad you told me about this. This incident hasn’t been reported to our database. That shows evidence of misconduct. Did you get the name of the commanding officer responsible, by chance?” 

“Colonel Kubritz, I believe.” 

More typing. “Area 49-B.”

“That name was also passed around.” 

“Technically not my jurisdiction, and since she didn’t report it, I’m not supposed to know about it.”

“I’m afraid you will officially know about it soon.” 

“Oh?”

“His friends and family, myself included, are going to put on a protest for his freedom. Drawing attention to the situation.” 

That echoing laughter was back again. 

“It wasn’t my idea, in case you were wondering.” 

“I know, you wouldn’t come up with something so bold. Regardless, go ahead in through with it. I’ll make sure whatever protest happens gets brought to my superior’s attention, and then I will take it from there.” 

“Thanks. I will owe you one.” 

“Oh come now, Walter, we Changelings that survived the Fall of the Janus order have to stick together. Besides, I heard rumors that you’re caring for my familiar?”

“He’s still in the cradle stone, and the moment. One baby at a time, for now.” 

“Then we’re even. Besides, this is the most interesting thing that’s happened in a while. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

“Your kindness is refreshing. I’m glad Gunmar didn’t eat you.” 

“Gee, thanks.” 

“We’ll be in touch then, Samuel.” 

“Of course, Walter.” 

—

“How goes the car repair?” Asked Merlin, as he met up with Toby and Claire in the park. 

“Ugh, exhausting. First I stopped at the mechanics, and they’re still backed up with fixing other cars. Apparently, Gunmar’s army did a number and backed them up for months. But they gave me the names of all the clients who got totaled from Jim. I had to hit the scrap yard for four of them, and I just finished another two in driveways.” 

“How many does that leave you with?”

“Seven more,” she sighed. “How goes the road work?”

“It goes. Now come along, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.” He didn’t wait for them to follow as he turned and started walking away. 

Sharing a dubious look, Toby and Claire quickly caught up with him. He led them to a bookstore, where a young man was sweeping outside. 

“Hisirdoux, my faithful and loyal apprentice—“

“You're damn straight I’m loyal!” He shouted. “Where have you been? I’ve been cleaning tables for the last 900 years!” 

“Calm yourself boy, I’m here now, aren’t I? And I need your help.” 

“Finally! What is it? Just say the word!”

“I need you to go with Miss Claire Nuñez and help her restore recently smashed vehicles.”

“What?”

“Or, you can repair street damage.” 

Douxie crossed his arms. “What is this? I saw what happened! There were trolls, and evidence of Morgana! And now you need my help? To clean up, several months later?”

“That is correct.” 

“Why didn’t you call for me back then?!”

“I forgot.” 

“You forgot? About me?”

“Oh come now, don’t take it personally. I was busy trying to prepare the Trollhunter to fight Gunmar. And get my magic back from Morgana.” 

Douxie seemed to become more sympathetic at that. “Morgana stole your magic?” 

“Yes, but it’s all in the past now. Everything is fine. Well, not really. Seems that the US Army has declared the Trollhunter as a menace to society. We must get the trust of the city on our side if we are to get them to trust us, and agree that his capture is unjust.” 

“Please,” said Claire. “We need all the help we can get.” 

Douxie sighed. “Alright. Afterwards, you’re training me again.” He gave Merlin a hard look. “And no amateur magic either. I’ve been doing the same drills for 900 years. I think I’m ready for more advanced work.”

“Oh, you will be. Starting with helping Miss Nuñez field her shadow magic.”

Douxie looked at her, in awe. “You’re practicing shadow magic? Truly?”

“It’s a recent development…”

“She took Morgana’s Skathe-Hrün, and wielded it without any training. Because of that she has a tether to Morgana in the Shadow realm, who has been teaching her ever so slightly. I’m not allowed to train her, but she could use the guidance of a Wizard in the physical realm. Do you understand Hisirdoux?” 

“I do, and I’ll be happy to teach her…I’m just…I’ll need a moment or two to digest the sentence you just said.” 

“Well, don’t take too long, we have a Trollhunter to rescue!” 

—

There was a heavy knock on the door, which was never a good thing. Especially nowadays. 

Still, Barbara went to the door. 

Standing there was Detective Scott and James Lake Sr. 

“Does this belong to you?” Asked the detective. 

“I don’t claim him, no.” 

Her almost ex-husband smiled at her, pleadingly, “Please Babs?” 

“What is he even doing out? You arrested him!”

“About that…” Detective Scott winced. “We don’t have enough to keep him on.” 

“What!” She shouted. “He confessed in front of a bunch of people!”

“Which would be helpful if we had a case for a trial. But as it stands, he doesn’t actually have any drugs on him. And we don’t have a confession on tape. So…we’re shit out of luck.” 

“Oh come on Louis, you know the cocaine came from him! Where else would Jim have gotten it from?” 

“Look, the chief’s not thrilled that we didn’t arrest the guy responsible for trashing the town, but we’re supposed to arrest someone else without evidence?” 

Barbara threw her hands up in the air. “With probable cause!” 

“That doesn’t work with drug dealers. He’s clean, Barbara. All the blood tests came back clean too.” 

“Ugh.”

The house shook slightly, and Barbara felt the floor bow behind her. “Is there a problem, officer?” Asked Draal. 

“Nothing you can help with, Draal. Thank you.” Barbara sighed. “James is not being charged.” 

“But he is a criminal, this degenerate flesh bag poisoned the Trollhunter! He should face banishment for his crimes!” 

James withered a little with the glare Draal gave him. 

“Well,” said Officer Scott. “Maybe you can keep an eye on him from now on. If you have evidence that he is dealing, like physical traces of cocaine on the premises, call us. But for now, there’s not much else we can do.” 

“This is ludicrous.”

“I know, I’m sorry Barbara. How is Jim?”

She frowned. “You haven’t heard? The army came and collected him from the hospital!”

Louis sputtered. “The army came?!”

“Yes!”

“Where were they when Gunmar was terrorizing us?” He scoffed. “Again, sorry Barbara, I can’t help you here.” 

“It’s alright. We’ve got a plan.” 

“Love to hear it, but I’ve got to get back to the office. I’m sure Toby will tell Darci, and she’ll tell me. Good luck!” And he left James on the porch. 

“Babs, I’m sorry…” 

“Save it.” Barbara scoffed, but allowed him in the house. 

Draal never took his eyes off the man. 

“Well, you’ll be happy to know I have no more supply. And after Rudy found out what happened to my last Kilo, she’s not getting anymore for me. So…”

“I’ll have to thank Jim for keeping a kilogram of Cocaine off the streets of Arcadia. We have a fairly low rate of drug use around here, and we don’t need you to ruin people’s lives.” 

James sighed, knowing he had dodged a huge bullet by being let off the hook. He’d rather deal with his wife than with his ex-associates in jail any day. “I think I’ve still ruined people’s lives anyway.” He walked into the living room, only to halt at the signs on the table. 

Release Jim Lake Jr. 

Justice for Jim

Let Lake Go!

“Babs, what is all this?”

“That’s part of our plan to free Jim! I’m friends with the councilwoman, and she suggested that we campaign for his release. Bringing a lot of unwanted attention onto his capture will stir the government to let him go!”

James jutted out his jaw, a sign of barely concealed rage. An expression Barbara had grown very used to in the last few months. “So, you’re going to put his name—my name in the news? You’re going to broadcast what city we live in?” 

“Yes.” 

He whirled on her, grabbing her arm. “Babs, people are looking for me! Horrible, mean, and ruthless people! If you put his name out there, they’ll know where to look!” 

“All the better! Then they can come take you off my hands!” 

“You don’t understand! I owe them a lot of money, and they’ll take it anyway they can! That includes extorting you, Jim, and whoever else they connect with me!” 

Draal stepped in, removing his hand from Barbara’s arm. “This house is under my protection. If anyone dare tries to enter, they will be dealt with swiftly.”

“You don’t know what these men are capable of.” 

“I assure you, I’ve decimated armies of flesh bags in my day. These men are no different.”  

Barbara smiled. “If you’re really that scared, I hear Vermont is lovely this time of year.” 

James just narrowed his eyes, before storming out of the room.

—

The first rally took place from 3pm to dusk, starting from after school, and leading up to when Trolls would be able to participate. Granted, it was only a handful of people, but standing in the middle of downtown did garner a lot of attention. More than a dozen people walking past had stopped to ask about the cause. They were then given a short synopsis of the situation, as it pertained to them:

“Jim is a 16 year old student who was chosen by the trolls to be our protector. He willingly gave up his humanity to defeat Gunmar the Black, the monstrous troll that attacked the city at the beginning of the summer. Now, he looks like a troll, and was sabotaged to go into a rage and damage the city. The US army took him away without a trial! He’s a hero to the city, and deserves fair treatment!”

Reactions ranged from: 

“Oh, he stopped that thing?”

To:

“Oh my god! He’s just a child!” 

Overwhelmingly, there was no negative feedback, at least in person. But it was only day one. 

—

“This daylight...is it significant?” The colonel asked, as she circled his table. 

“It’s just a name.” Jim lied. “A sword with a name is stronger than one without.” 

“Interesting. Interesting indeed. According to my notes, trolls turn to stone in daylight. Any correlation there?” 

So she already knew? Then what was the point? Was she just playing with him?

“I’m the Trollhunter, and I fight bad trolls. It would make sense to name my sword after something they’re afraid of.” 

She hummed. “And what about you?” 

“What about me?” 

“Are you afraid of daylight?” 

“Why would I be?” 

The colonel laughed. “Oh Jim Lake Jr. You’re the worst liar I’ve ever met. You are honest and forthcoming with truths that work in your favor. You freely told me of your transformation, and of your victory against a Troll tyrant. But now that I’m edging on the topic of your weakness, you clam up and give me vague answers. I can do this all day, beast. What does daylight do to you?”

“Nothing. It doesn’t do anything to me.” 

“Really? Even as a troll? That’s interesting.” 

“It’s fortunate.” 

“I would say so. Though, now you’ve got me curious. These burns on your skin…where did they come from?” She dragged her fingernail over one of the dark marks.

Jim winced. “I don’t know. I wasn’t aware in my rage state.”

“Then you won’t mind if I find out for myself?” She crooked a finger towards the shadows. Jim could hear the creak of wheels before a lamp with several fixtures was wheeled forward. 

“Oh no…”

“UV lights, all different wattages. Let’s see what works the best, hmm?”

—

ARCADIA TRIBUNE

Justice for Jim

By Nadja Chamack 

Who is Jim Lake Jr. anyway? This is a question I asked myself as I drove downtown three days ago. No doubt, you’ve seen the crowd of students and teachers holding signs on the corner of Main and State Street. It’s pretty hard to miss, quite honestly. Among the students, there’s also Councilwoman Nuñez, and resident Troll Mascot, ARRRGH! Signs range from ‘Justice for Jim’ to ‘Free our Lake’. 

But who is Jim Lake Jr.? And what happened? A precursory search on my end showed only a scant few facts. Jim is a student at Arcadia Highschool, in his Junior year. He was nominated as Spring Fling King last year, and played the part of Romeo in the school play. His criminal record seemed pretty clean too. A misdemeanor for scratching a rental scooter was all that showed up. But hey, who hasn’t done that?

So I went to the source, his family and friends campaigning for him. On Saturday, the group was downtown, campaigning all day long, so I had the chance to interview each and every person about why they were there.

Turns out, Jim Lake Jr. might be the most amazing person in Arcadia. 

From his mother, Dr. Barbara Lake, I learned that Jim is an Arcadia native, born and raised here. He enjoys cooking gourmet food, working on his vespa, and acting. 

Oh, and he’s the first human Trollhunter. 

What? You’ve never heard of a Trollhunter? Me neither. But Barbara and Blinky, another resident Troll, gave me the scoop. 

You all remember that night at the beginning of the summer that we all promised not to talk about? Well, I’m going to talk about it. In fact, I’m here to give you all the answers you’ve been craving. 

Many months before that fateful night, a new Trollhunter was chosen, after the previous one had perished. “The Trollhunter is chosen according to his mettle, by the amulet of the Trollhunter, as created by Merlin, the wizard of Arthurian legend. Jim was chosen after the fall of Kanjigar, his predecessor. Jim is the first human to be chosen, also the smallest and weakest. But, he was the first to defeat Bular, son of Gunmar!” Said his mentor, Blinky. None of this made any sense to me at first, though it was said with great enthusiasm. 

It turns out, the trolls that we’ve gotten used to seeing around town, mostly ARRRGH, are ‘good’ trolls. The bad trolls, ‘Gum-gums’ are what invaded our town and destroyed my car. The Trollhunter’s whole job is to fight off these bad trolls, and gnomes, and goblins, and everything else that goes bump in the night. And so he did. The Gum-Gums invaded from the ‘Darklands’, being led by a fearsome troll named Gunmar the Black, the Skullcrasher, the Dark Lord…he had a lot of names, and it was obviously a bad dude. Gunmar had plans to invade the whole world by blotting out the sun, a.k.a the eclipse we saw. And he would have gotten away for it too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids! 

Mainly Jim Lake Jr. and his friends. 

And how does a sixteen year old defeat a couple millennia old, bloodthirsty, all powerful tyrant? With a fancy sword? Close. With some magical armor? Closer. By giving up a part of his humanity and becoming a half-human, half-troll hybrid? Now you’re getting it! Yes, to protect Arcadia, to protect us, Jim Lake Jr. allowed himself to be changed. You may have seen him around town. Blue skin, big horns...okay, I just described most of the trolls that are around here. 

“Jim works the night shift at my store,” said Stu Harding, owner of Thrifty Furnishings. “He’s a very hard worker, and always willing to do the heavy lifting that is hard for the other employees to do.” 

“Despite his appearance, Jim ultimately decided to attend school,” said Principal Walter Strickler. “After the school found out about why he had missed so many days of school, they were willing to move him onto the next grade to be with his peers. He was a good student before all this, and he fought really hard to keep his grades up regardless. We felt he should still have the opportunity to graduate. We were looking forward to having him on our football team, and in our spring production of Beauty and the Beast.” 

So what happened to Jim? And why is there such a big campaign for his freedom?

Well, the truth is that Jim is a victim of unfortunate circumstances. In more ways than one, obviously. Trolls eat our trash. That’s why Arcadia has such a small carbon footprint! (Be sure to thank ARRRGH next time you see him!) And this trait was adopted by Jim too, when he was transformed. 

“He just picked a bunch of items out of the trash. Cans, an old sock, and what looked like a VHS wrapped in duct tape,” said Jim’s best friend, Toby Dolmzalski. “It was a normal lunch for him. But right in the middle of gym class, he turned crazy town banana pants and took off! I had never seen Jim act like that! Ever!” 

After an 8 hour rage through town, Jim collapsed and was taken to the hospital for evaluation. It turns out what Jim had ingested turned out to be a kilogram of pure cocaine! 

At this time, it is unknown where the cocaine came from, or if it was planted purposefully. (Seriously, who throws away a kilogram of cocaine?)

But the damage that Jim caused was extensive enough to catch the attention of the US army, who has taken Jim into captivity from the hospital. No trial, no rights, they even took him while he was unconscious. His friends and family have not heard from him since. 

“I’m so worried,” said girlfriend, Claire Nuñez. “He was injured from the battle with Gunmar, and didn’t completely heal. In the hospital, he was covered in burns from the sun. I have no idea if they’re caring for him properly, or dissecting him like some creature. But he deserves so much better than this. He saved our town, he saved my life, and the life of my baby brother. That’s why we won’t rest until he’s home!” 

“Not bad,” said ARRRGH, long time friend of Jim. “Good troll have bad days, best trolls have worse days. Jim need some good days.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself, ARRRGH. 

Friends and family of Jim are asking everyone share #JusticeforJim on social media, hoping to get the attention of someone in charge. All the damage caused by Jim has been repaired, and there were no casualties from his attack.  

Of course, the whole ‘troll’ aspect of this story has to be a local legend. So when sharing it to social media, kindly leave that part out.   

—

“C-Bomb!” Mary shouted from the other end of the hall. She came running and almost crashed into Claire and Toby, holding her phone up in the air. “My twitter feed is blowing up, girl! Look at all of this!” She held the screen up so they could see. 

“Citizen abducted by the government, is this China or North Korea? Neither! It’s the US! #JusticeforJim” 

“Imagine if this was your son. So sad, and so scary! #JusticeforJim”

“This is real life, not science fiction #JusticeforJim” 

“Whoa, where did these all come from?” Asked Claire. “What did you post?” 

“Did you know Snapper Karr did a report on it!?”

“Snapper Karr? From KTTV in LA?” 

“Yes! Thankfully, he left out the whole troll thing. I’ll send you a link. In his story, Jim is just a kid that has a rare genetic disorder that makes him look different, and so the government took him away!” 

Claire winced. “This is…kind of spiraling out of control.”

“I don’t know why you’re worrying, Claire,” said Darci. “We want people talking about Jim getting abducted. It doesn’t matter if the world outside Arcadia doesn’t have all the facts. They still know he’s been taken away without a trial, and that’s all that’s important. Besides, Jim doesn’t want the whole world knowing about Trolls, right?”

She nodded. “As long as this works, I’ll be happy.” 

“And sensationalist stories like this blow up for like a week, and then they die out and are forgotten. This won’t last.” Mary waved her hand. “It should work long enough to get Jimmy Jam out though.” Then she squealed. “OMG you know what we should do?! We should totally have a welcome home party! Or-or a parade! Like they have for veterans!” 

“Mary, I don’t think—“ 

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it! You’re not the only one with ties to the city!” And she hurried off, texting frantically. 

“What’s up Claire? I would have thought you’d be ecstatic the hashtag went viral.” Asked Toby. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I am happy. And I’m happy that Snapper Karr chalked the troll thing up to local legend or superstition…but I can’t help but worry that something bad is going to come out of this.” 

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. It’s just a gut feeling.” She scoffed and went to her locker. “It’s dumb, don’t worry about it.” 

No sooner had she said that, did Strickler appear. “Claire, Toby, come with me.” 

“What?” 

“I’ve already spoken with your teachers, now come along.” 

Claire and Toby shared a look, but followed regardless.

—

They were led to the parking lot, where a black van with tinted windows waited, a huge red flag, if there ever was one. 

“Umm…” said Toby. 

“Don’t worry.” Strickler assured. 

A man in an army uniform stepped out of the driver seat. “Walter, good to see you again.”

“Glad to see you as well, Samuel. And thank you for following through with your promise.” 

“As I said, this is the most interesting thing to happen in a while.” He glanced at the two teenagers in attendance. “We’re just waiting for his mother, correct?” 

“She should be here soon.”

Toby muttered to Claire, “Who’s Jorgen Von Strangle over here?”

“No idea.”

And just like that, Barbara pulled into the parking lot, haphazardly parked, and ran over to them, still in her scrubs. “I came as soon as I could! We’re going to get Jim?!” 

“What?!” Screamed Toby. “We’re rescuing him?!” 

“That is the goal,” the man answered. “I’m General Samuel Attila. I’ve been given authorization to intervene in this situation, given that this project, whatever it is, hasn’t been officially recorded. But, bear in mind, you may not like what you see. We may be bringing home Jim, or just his body. I don’t know. So if anyone is uncomfortable with that idea, I suggest you stay behind.” 

“I’m going,” Said Toby. “No matter what.” 

“Me too,” said Claire. “It’ll hurt, but I want to know what happened to him.” 

“Alright, then let’s hurry. The facility is about an hour away.” He ushered everyone into the van, which had two front seats, two benches along the walls, and a gurney in the middle. As soon as everyone was buckled, they headed out.

“Hey, if you know Mr. Strickler, does that mean you’re a…?” 

“A what, Toby?” Asked Walt, with a hint of amusement in his tone. 

“A…man of culture?”

“Yes, I am a changeling.” 

Toby exhaled. “Okay, it’s like super hard to ask that question when you don’t know who knows, you know?” 

“I owe the Trollhunter a debt of gratitude for stopping Gunmar. After he ate the entirety of the Janus order, we the few that weren’t present for his return stayed in hiding. Had Gunmar taken over the world, my death as a traitor would have been slow and painful. We were thinking about sending him a thoughtful gift basket, but I think this is more fun. I love to bully those in lower ranks. The fleshbags get a few pretty badges and think they’re invincible. I love watching them cower!” 

Toby leaned closer to Claire. “He was so nice and helpful, I was beginning to wonder if he was actually a changeling.” 

“Same! But I actually feel better knowing he’s got ulterior motives, and that they have nothing to do with us.” 

“Have you heard from Nomura lately?” Samuel asked Walter. 

“She was in Arcadia for a while. She helped with the fight with Gunmar. Right now, I believe she’s on her way back from New Jersey.” 

“New Jersey? What was she doing out there?”

“After Morgana and Gunmar destroyed the Heartstone, Jim and Blinky went in search of a new one.”

“Oh, yes. I forgot there were rumors of a source in New Jersey. Did they find it?” 

“Yep,” said Claire. “But it wasn’t very big, so we brought it back to Arcadia in a truck. The rest of the tribe is making their way back on foot.”

“Ah, that explains it.” Samuel nodded. “You’re both very lucky. Not many Changeling’s are allowed in Trollmarket.” 

“Now that Gunmar’s out of the picture, I’m sure you could visit too!” Toby exclaimed, before getting elbowed in the gut by Claire. 

“It’d be nice to see it once. I’m sad I didn’t get to see the Heartstone in its glory, but such is life.”

The rest of the ride continued in relative silence. Strickler and Samuel spoke to each other, mostly catching up. But Toby, Claire, and Barbara were far too anxious to keep up with the conversation. 

There were no windows in the back of the vehicle, so there was no way of knowing where they were. From the front, they looked to be in a weaving forest trail. 

Then there were huge cement walls in front of them. 

Samuel pulled in the front gate. 

The man at the gate didn’t look up from his computer. “You’re not authorized to be here.” 

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t recognize your vehicle, so I know you don’t have clearance.” 

Samuel sat up a little straighter, glaring at the soldier at the gate. “How about you scan my badge first, and then tell me if I have clearance, Lieutenant.” 

The soldier gave a little shrug and reached out for the badge, his eyes widening as he caught a glance at the four stars on the man’s shoulder. “Oh.” 

“Problem?”

“No, sir. I just…I don’t need to scan your badge, you can go in.” 

“Thank you. At ease soldier.” 

Toby held back a snicker.

“And, let Colonel Kubritz know she has company.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“As you were.” 

The gate rolled open, and they pulled through. 

It seemed like Samuel’s message was received pretty quickly, because the woman that had taken Jim was waiting for them, flanked by soldiers with strange weapons. 

“Stay in the car.” He told everyone, before getting out. 

“I was not aware of any sort of inspection. You are not my commanding general, and therefore not welcome here. This facility holds highly dangerous equipment and confidential projects.”

“Stand down, Colonel. I am here on behalf of general Adele. I’m here to recover Jim Lake Jr. General Adele will be speaking to you about your discharge.” 

“What are you talking about?” She demanded. 

“You kidnapped a teenage boy from a hospital. Surely you didn’t think that wouldn’t go unnoticed? I have video evidence of you leaving the hospital with him.” 

“He’s not a normal boy—“ 

“I’d say so! His whole town is hailing him as a hero for saving them from an invasion! I thought this facility was for research on protecting Earth from invaders. And you’re punishing a boy for saving a town?” 

“He also destroyed it. Don’t give into their little campaign. Jim Lake Jr. may have done something good once, but that doesn’t stop him from being a monster.” 

“I was just in Arcadia, Colonel. There is no damage. There’s no lawsuits against Jim Lake Jr. There’s not even any pending arrests.” 

“I have video evidence of his destruction!” She barked. 

“Then let the local police handle it.” 

She growled, then commanded her men to stand down. “Fine. But if he does this again, no one will stop me from taking him.” 

“Actually,” he clarified with a smirk. “You’re being discharged. So you won’t have any means to take him again.” 

Her mouth opened in shock, as she fought to find an argument. 

But he was a general, he was above her. 

“Now, Jim Lake Jr.?” 

She grumbled something and started off towards a big central building.

Samuel was quick to beckon the others out of the car to follow him, and headed towards the same building as Kubritz. 

When Barbara reached them, she spoke, “you didn’t hurt my son, did you?” 

Kubritz didn’t even look at her. “I don’t have to share information with civilians.” 

Claire clenched her fists in anger, a black haze coming over her hands. 

But Toby simply patted her on the back to ground her. 

Colonel Kubritz led them through the research facility, ignoring their questions. 

They reached the room Jim was being held in, and she entered her code to open the door. 

Of course, Jim wasn’t the only thing in the room, being surrounded by specimens of all sorts of living creatures, but he was right in the center, with a spot light right on him. 

“Jim!” Claire shouted first as she ran to him. 

The poor boy was naked, lying on his back and strapped to the table with thick iron bonds. His wound from Morgana wasn’t the worst on him anymore, as he was covered in blackened burned spots. The spot that had the amulet was now just a hole in his chest, that went right down to the ribs. Claire could see his heart beating, and his lungs moving, thank god. 

“Jim...” she cried, seeing the carnage. 

“What did you do to him?!” Toby shouted at the Colonel, but she didn’t respond. 

“Honey? Jim? Can you hear me?” Barbara asked, as she assessed the damage. 

His eyes opened ever so slightly. “Mom? Is that you? Are you...really here?” 

“Yeah kiddo,” she wiped some tears from her eyes. “It’s me, I’m here. Toby, Claire, and Walt are here too. We’re going to take you home.” 

His smile was just a hint, and he stated, “I’m tired.” 

“I’m sure you are. We’re going to get you fixed up!” She turned to the Colonel. “Get me a gurney or a wheelchair!” 

She scoffed. “I don’t take orders from civilians.” 

Samuel interceded. “Then get me a soldier who isn’t completely incompetent! If you’re going to continue to endanger the life of this young man, then I suggest you get out of my sight before I endanger yours.” 

The Colonel didn’t waver, though a tremor went down her spine. “Lieutenant!” She called. 

A man hurried into the room, standing at attention.

Kubritz just gave a roll of the eyes. “Follow whatever order the general gives you.” 

“But—“ 

“No, I’m done.” With one last glare to Samuel, she added, “I'll be sending my evidence to General Adele, then we’ll see who’s the one putting the nation in danger.” 

“Go ahead, I’ve already given my report.”

She growled at him, turned and left without another word. 

The lieutenant just stood at attention in front of Samuel instead. “Orders sir?”

“Get someone to fetch the gurney from the back of our van, and send for the medic! And get someone to get these shackles off this kid!” 

“Sir yes sir!” 

Meanwhile, Claire stood right by Jim’s side, holding his hand, brushing the bangs away from his face and combing his hair with her fingers. He had a pretty strong fever. 

“You’re going to be alright Jim. We’re going to take good care of you.” 

“I’m…cold…” He breathed. 

Barbara found some vinyl gloves nearby and got to work examining her boy. “I don’t know about the Troll half, but this tissue looks alright. I don’t see any infection yet, or any tissue death. Of course, we need to get this covered immediately.” 

“Where’s the amulet?” Asked Walt. “That’s what’s missing.” 

“The amulet!” Barbara addressed Samuel. “His amulet, we have to find it!” 

He nodded, “we can’t let these psychos have it. They have no idea what magic it possesses, even without being the chosen wielder.” 

Only a beat passed before the army medic came with the gurney, and another soldier came with a crowbar to undo the shackles. 

“Lieutenant, we’re looking for an amulet that came with Jim. It’s what’s missing from his chest.” 

The Lieutenant blanched. “I don’t know anything about it…I can ask the Colonel?”

“She won’t tell.” 

The shackles fell free from Jim’s limbs, but he didn’t seem to register it. 

“Alright,” said Barbara, “Let’s move him onto the gurney. We can worry about the amulet later.” It took everyone to lift him and carefully slide him over. Then, he was covered up to his stomach with a blanket. 

“You’re going home, Jim. Mi amor, you’re safe now.” Claire whispered, kissing his forehead. 

“Hmm…” Jim weakly groaned. “…for the…glory…” But before he could finish, he fell back into sleep.

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Fairy Tail S4

“When will this world stop rejecting me?” Emo Wizard can’t catch a break

Apparently Zeref comes in Teen Angst Edition

Gray and Loke know Lucy is smarter than both of them combined lmao

I figured Levy was gonna fall for Gajeel from the time he joined the guild but it’s still funny to watch

“Who are you calling boy?” said the forty-year-old man in a sleeveless hoodie

Amazing the enemy soldiers are so offended that Natsu doesn’t care about them as individuals

Could they be a little more heavy-handed with their foreshadowing about celestial spirits like a goat named “Capricone” pls

[Natsu as Frank Ocean voice]: What’s a god to a non-believer?

Murder him Mirajane

The Strauss family doesn’t deserve this are they only allowed to have two happy siblings at a time

My fashion choices also represent my imminent death same Natsu same

Ultear could use about 500% more chill

“Keeping humans as puppets is barbaric.” “And being a slave to your owner is somehow noble?” He raises a fair point Loke 

The real question is how Leo knows about Lucy’s mum is it just a spirit thing or did they interact?

Is Ultear trying to imply that her and Zeref will repopulate the earth

“Our love knows no bounds, little droplet” Juvia pls 

“I’ll have no problem getting close because she trusts Leo” you’re fucking purple man

What the fuck is wrong with Cana leaving Lucy passed out alone in the middle of an enemy attack

Lmao @ Loke probably holding a class for female spirits on the weaknesses of mortal men

Yaaaasss Lucy and Natsu in a proper tag team battle

That entire battle was fantastic from the forced hugs to the collaborative attack to the brave babies trying to protecting each other A++

I was kind of hoping that Gray would appear while Lucy was pulling Natsu’s head between her legs lmao

[Gray as Coach Sylvester voice]: I was aroused, then furious 

Poor Gray he has done nothing to deserve any of this

Juvia’s narrative has come full circle she followed her heart by surrendering to Gray and now she’s using love to encourage her enemies to live

Rustyrose has to be a real dick to attack a camp full of wounded

I know I said every member of Fairy Tail had daddy issues but damn Cana’s are even more highkey than Natsu’s

“This has got to be the most messed up magic I’ve ever seen,” said the man who could literally manipulate souls

Does Jellal need to be shirtless in jail probably not and yet

“Let me show you why my name strikes sheer terror into the hearts of men” calm down American Eagle

Ultear just tossed the Lord of All Evil onto the ground like a sack of potatoes

I forget, sometimes, that Gray is actually a really good strategist 

Not to be A Juvia but Gray saying he’s going to teach a lesson as he throws off his shirt 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

“It’s pretty obvious [you and Gray] share a special connection” “Don’t try to make it sound dirty” Too late 

Panther Lily has embraced his role as Gajeel’s cat more than I expected

Immediately after Gray gets his ass knocked around:

Natsu: Want to get your ass knocked around some more?

Gray: ABSOLUTELY

He just?? Yelled Wendy out of existence??

I love that all of Lucy’s spirits like to dress Wendy up like a doll

Hades: I’m your evil grandpa once removed

HE’S FIGHTING THEM WITH FINGER GUNS OH MY GOD

No one ever said Laxus didn’t know how to make a dramatic entrance 

Laxus, for once in his goddamn life: Hi, I’m not here to ruin everything

“If you have something to confess, then speak up” Freed ships Gajeel and Levy

A lot of Fairy Tail’s problems would be solved if they killed their enemies

Freed and Bickslow talk a lot of shit about dark guilds for people who staged a coup against their master during a festival

“But... that’s my sword!” Poor Grimoire soldier he’s trying his best

“Is this what terror feels like?” Why is everyone in this show so confused by the sensation of fear

Thunder Legion loves Laxus so much what darlings

“I’m not into that kind of stuff!” BDSM or heterosexuality?

Lmao @ Gray being first in Erza’s sexy nurse line

Meredy, after Ultear has slaughtered countless people: You made a mistake

Laxus teasing Lisanna is unexpectedly cute 

“My old man is a deadbeat who can’t keep it in his pants” Cana is slut-shaming Gildarts

Me @ Lord Zeref: Could you like.... chill for a second

“Unfortunately [no survivors] were ever found” UM??? THIS ISN’T EVEN THE SEASON FINALE LET ALONE THE SERIES FINALE EXPLAIN

Biska and Alzack got married aw

How has Romeo not grown in like seven years man also who has been leading the guild all their strongest warriors theoretically died

“I call it dance of the pathetic and feeble” same

“Tell me, would you like to have a little brother?” KINKSHAME EVE TILM

It’s like they woke up from passing out and everyone around them is seven years older and irreversibly traumatized

OH NO JELLAL HAS BEEN IN JAIL FOR SEVEN YEARS THINKING ERZA IS DEAD

Lyon falling in love with Juvia is the best thing I never knew I needed

It seems unfair that Lucy is expected to pay rent from when she was presumed dead

Lucy shouldn’t feel obligated to mourn someone who abused her anyway

“Let me play around with you” Gray thinks ballroom dancing is a game and can’t describe any activity without it sounding dirty

This entire scene is beautiful Lisanna and Erza spinning men like tops, gentle Gajeel whisking Levy away from the boys, people dancing with the kids, the implied and canon couples dancing, Lucy dancing with a giant goat man

“A small price to pay for the chance to dance” Erza pls

“Very suspicious, no one’s that handsome” this is my favourite line of dialogue

Amazing in a room full of men Aceto picks Erza I hope the count’s daughter is a lesbian

She’s wearing Velveno’s ring but she’s still dancing with Erza 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

I would say that I’m surprised they ended a season of insanity and death and angst with a dance party but I am 0% surprised